The Heart of the matter

Panic

"Is she healthy?" Ellis asked frantically panicking. "Why isn't she crying?"

"She's premature, Dr. Grey. She'll have to spend some time in NICU."

The A.P.G.A.R. score is used as a part of early assessment of a newborn in the 1 and 5 minutes after birth. The maximum score that can be assigned is 10. Scores ranging from 7-10 are considered normal. They were testing the baby's heart rate, respirations, skin colour / oxygenation, reflex irritability to tactile stimulation and muscle tone and movement. But apparently something was wrong. Her baby wasn't adapting properly. She hadn't head Meredith scream or cry. The doctors worked on her, trying to get her to breathe. Someone had gotten her onto a monitor and was bagging her.

Ellis was scared but nobody was talking to her or telling her what was going on with her baby girl. "How is she doing?" Ellis asked scared and feeling guilty for overworking, thinking it was her fault. "Let's prep her for transport to the neonatal ICU." The doctor said. Voices were talking quietly about her A.P.G.A.R. score, it was 2 border-lining a 3.

Ellis figured that it was a low score. Both scores had been low. Richard had come into the room after his surgery to see Ellis not realising the situation he was walking in on, he was shocked when he walked in to see Ellis panicking with tears in her eyes and distressed, and also the tiny baby with tubes and wires coming out of it getting ready to transport, "Ellis?" He said sympathetically, she looked over at Richard tears in her eyes also grateful, at this Richard walked over and enveloped her in a hug,  just because there not sleeping together anymore doesn't mean they can't be friends, "Richard why the heck is this happening? Yesterday, I was assisting in a surgery and now Meredith is hospitalised with a potential life-threatening condition" Ellis sobbed, This wasn't good Richard thought, "she has the best neonatal care possible at the hospital, I'm sure they will do everything in their power to help you, would you like me to stay with you so your not alone?" Richard asked, Ellis just nodded, "let me phone Adele and let her know, are you okay for me to fill her in on the situation?" Richard asked knowing Ellis wasn't overly fond of Adele although she was nice enough to her, "yeah, don't want her thinking anything else is going off" Ellis responded, with that Richard nodded and stepped outside leaving Ellis to dwell on the situation further.

Two Hours later

When Ellis held her little girl for the first time she forgot all her worries. She focused on her amazing, perfect, stunning, little girl. She was so sweet and she was the most beautiful baby in the entire NICU, although there were so many catheters, intravenous lines and the ECG electrodes that were monitoring her baby's heart rhythm. Meredith moved her a bit, kicking against Ellis' arms softly as she picked her up. She knew she should have waited for neonatal nurse to come here and supervise but she was a doctor, she knew how to handle babies. Ellis was happy, relaxed but tired after going through hours of intense labor. But in the end it had been worth it. She knew that when looking at her daughter. A tiny, a little underweight baby who was very quiet. She wasn't screaming or crying. She was quiet. But she was looking at Ellis with childlike curiosity.

She saw her tiny face, her tiny feet and hands. Her blue eyes that had a shade of grey - she was beautiful. Despite the beauty of the baby Ellis couldn't help but feel like something was wrong with her baby girl. She was slightly blue but the doctors said it was due to her being premature.

"It's just you and me, baby girl. It's just you and me but we Grey girls do fine on our own, don't we?" Ellis cooed at her.

Meredith made a gurgling noise that sound like a giggle. Ellis knew realistically is wasn't a real laugh but it comforted all the same

She smiled. And for once in a very long time, she felt happiness creeping up in her. She didn't know that that happiness wouldn't last long, she was still feeling immensely guilty about the situation, her child would be healthy and have two loving parents if she didn't go mess her marriage up, or she would be with Richard if they dealt with everything better rather than having an affair.

But then her lips went cyanotic again and she seemed to be having a little trouble with breathing properly. She was breathing fast and shallow. Ellis grew worried. She was showing a lot of cardiac symptoms lately.

Maybe they should do a pulse ox to rule out possible CCHDs. "I love you." Then she kissed her on her forehead and rocked her to sleep. Ellis watched the sleeping girl in her arms when a nurse knocked on her door and came in. "Hey, I'm just checking in." Ellis looked up concerned. "She's been getting getting cyanotic. I think you should do an ECHO. I'm a doctor I know the differential diagnosis's. It could be something much more serious." Ellis was getting ready to fight for Meredith.

She is Meredith's advocate and parent, after all. The parent she has left. "Mrs. Grey. I'm sure ..."the nurse started,  "How sure?" Ellis cut her off bluntly. "How sure are you that there is nothing wrong with her?" Ellis questioned glaring at the nurse. "I ... I'm paging the paediatrician to look her over." The nurse said hastily, and in a panic.