Friday I'm In Love

△ 𝐓𝐰𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐲-𝐨𝐧𝐞 △

"Do you still have the pebble?" 

Gerard flicked through his newest Batman comic beside him, completely engrossed in his own little world as Frank stared at the wall. He doubted that Gerard even heard him, when he read he got so absorbed that sometimes he didn't even hear his phone, but he asked nevertheless. The memory lingered like cigarette smoke on a leather jacket, his own ghost haunting his present as Gerard sat beside him. They had barely spoken since the bar, a few grumbles about food and complaints about hogging the bed slipped through the gaps. Frank probably should have taken a shower after his shift, he smelled like he'd wandered home from a high school house party twelve hours late and had tried to mask the smell with cheap body spray, but it didn't matter. They had both torn their jackets and shoes off and stumbled towards the bed with little regard for anything else. Frank turned the Tv on to avoid the painful silence and Gerard had opened his issue of Batman to avoid eye contact. So they sat, with only the faint hum of the Tv and the sound of pages being turned between them. It was laughable. 

"The one you gave me? Of course, why?" Gerard replied as if that was the most obvious thing in the world. Of course he kept the pebble! Why on Earth would Frank think otherwise except that it's been years and there's no reason that he would keep it.

"I was just wondering. I didn't think you'd keep it after. . ."

"After? Oh, right, no I was thinking of making it into a necklace or something so I don't lose it in the move." 

The move, of course. Gerard was leaving. The thought alone felt like knives being slowly wedged into his spine. Frank turned to look at Gerard with a painful smile, one that tugged on the corners of his lips with no real joy like the curtains lifting on a miserable opera. He couldn't hide that deep down he was absolutely, truly, miserable. In an ideal world, he would be curled up under his blankets shoveling popcorn into his mouth as he cried along to Brokeback Mountain; but this wasn't an ideal world, so he stewed in his sadness. He wanted to cry, or scream, or eat but Gerard was there and the fridge was empty. He wanted to grab Gerard by the collar and shake him like a ragdoll until he changed his mind, or beg him to stay. It was ridiculous, Gerard was only going to be an hour away at most, and yet he was acting like he was being sent to blow up the death star. It was unfair. Things had just started looking up and then the fates decided to pull the rug out from under Frank's feet while cackling and sipping champagne. 

Gerard set the comic down on the floor and turned back to him with furrowed eyebrows. "Are you okay? You're being scarily quiet and it's kinda freaking me out." 

"I don't want you to go to New York. It's so fucking selfish - I just. . . " Frank groaned, setting his head in his hands as an angry red blush fought its way up from the collar of his shirt and settled on his cheeks. "Fuck, Gerard, I just wish I'd never kissed you and we wouldn't be here. I wouldn't be stuck in a fucking daydream every time I look at you like the idiot who can't let go." 

"Frank. . ."

"Don't! Just don't okay."

Gerard nodded, shuffling closer to move an arm around Frank's waist before leaning his head on his shoulder. The words fell heavy on his tongue, trapped in the cage of his lips as his heart raced under his shirt. To Frank he was a mistake, a mistake that lead to ten years worth of built-up emotions and anger, no wonder he didn't speak to Gerard again he had ruined his life. New York was his running away, just like college, when things got hard Gerard ran and ran and that's what he had been doing forever. He had Frank now, here, with him, and still, he wanted to run and cry and lock himself inside with his books and his music because it was too much. He was so terrified of screwing up he couldn't even try. It was Frank, his Frank, but he barely knew him. He knew a Frank, a memory clutched to his chest as he wept through the night, a small boy with big dreams and cheeky responses to teacher's questions. He knew a Frank who marveled at guitars as they walked past the music store, a Frank who was hellbent on being in a band even if it killed him, a Frank who smiled with joy and the brightness of a thousand suns. But they weren't the same. Neither of them were. It was insanity to believe otherwise, but they still held on to what used to be rather than what was. Two boys sat in mourning of years lost and times long gone as the credits rolled.

"What's wrong with us, Frank? We're acting like we've both died. We're right fuckin' here and we're not about to die so why are we being all ghost of Christmas future?" Gerard sighed, pulling away to look at him. "What is there to miss? Childhood innocence? We both know that died well before you kissed me. Memories of the good old days? I was a drunk asshole who couldn't handle emotions like a human being and was awful to my brother. Why the fuck are we mourning?" he asked as Frank turned to look at him with a small smile playing across his lips. 

"You really were a huge piece of shit." Frank laughed, uncrossing his legs and leaning back against the headboard. "God, I would never shut the fuck up. I was just talking all the time-"

"My haircut was so. . . so bad." 

"Not half as bad as whatever dreamland Mikey was living in."

"Obviously, no one can top that disaster."

Frank snickered. "Apparently Ray can."

The look of horror on Gerard's face could have caused an avalanche as he reached for the nearest pillow to beat Frank to a pulp with. He came up victorious and turned back to Frank with a wicked grin, his eyes alight with vengeance as he slammed the cushion down on top of Frank's head. Again, and again, and again until Frank retaliated by hitting back with the second cushion. 

"Shut up! Shut up!" Gerard screeched like a banshee as he dived away from Frank's swipes. "Eugh! Fraaank!" he cried in disgust, making a fake gagging gesture as he threw the cushion at Frank's face. 

"But I'm not wrong!" 

"I hate you."

Gerard smiled, flushing a soft pink as they set the cushions back into their place and sat back against the headboard of his bed.  Frank shrugged as their eyes met, his throat running dry as Gerard licked his lips, his heart beating way too fast after the impromptu pillow fight.

"Can I ask something of you? You don't have to say yes, and I completely understand your reasons for that-" Gerard whispered, "Kiss me?"