Friday I'm In Love

△ 𝐓𝐰𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐲-𝐓𝐰𝐨 △

He watched as Frank's face morphed through confusion, panic, and shock before settling on... pity? Guilt clattered down his lungs like a pebble down a well, hitting off the walls and setting in the pit of his stomach with a deafening splash. Gerard's skin was aflame as Frank looked at him with that sad expression like he was a frightened deer he'd found on the side of the road. He looked away, coughing and clearing his throat, and began to retract his arm away from Frank's back. 

"I... I'm sorry- I don't know what-" Gerard croaked, turning away as the base of his throat began to burn. He struggled to breathe, overwhelmed as his eyes began to water and his lips quivered. Frank's hand moved to the rest on Gerard's wrist. Gerard turned back around. 

"I don't want... this to be like it was before," he said, eyebrows furrowed as Frank messed with his hands. He sighed. "Gerard I can't just do a one-night thing and then pretend like everything's okay. I just can't."

"I'm not confused."

"I never said you were."

Gerard got to his feet, running his hands through his hair and rubbing his eyes. He didn't say anything else. Gerard pulled his jacket off and threw it across the nearest chair, continuing out of the balcony door. He walked outside into the icy night air, closing his eyes and setting his hands down onto the cold steel rail. Cars whirred past, screaming and buzzing as music blared from the city's streets. He could hear Frank, inside, shuffling and moving around Gerard's bedroom. The thought alone made his heart race - Frank.

He could barely control his mind from running away from him, grasping him by the hand and taking him far away to a far happier place. Gerard shook his head to himself, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath. It hurt, more than he could possibly say. He'd jumped fifty steps ahead without finishing the first equation, he'd never been good at math. 

The sound of footsteps woke him suddenly as Frank slipped through the doors moved to stand beside him. 

"Why won't you let me have this?" Gerard breathed, opening his eyes with a soft sigh. "Why, Frank," he asked as he turned to face the other man, his walls crumbling around him. He handed his heart over to him, paired with the knife that he could use. "What's so wrong about me wanting you?"

Frank stared back wide-eyed, gaping and closing his mouth on every second beat like one of those singing fish. A smile spread across his lips, stretching to his ears before bursting like a dam as he broke into a painful, bitter, laugh. He shook his head before his hands flew up to cover his face.

"I don't believe you." Frank snapped, honestly, his hands trembling as he moved them away to reveal a grotesque mask of tragedy. "How can I?"

"PEOPLE CHANGE, FRANK!" he screamed, blood rushing between Gerard's ears as he took a step back. "I'M NOT A KID ANYMORE. WHY WON'T YOU EVEN TRY?" 

"Fool me once, shame on you."

Frank marched back inside, blood boiling as he struggled to pull his Converse on with his heart thrumming louder than any other foghorn in the city. He stumbled to his feet gasping for breath as he turned towards the door of Gerard's bedroom.  Frank didn't know Gerard was there until it was too late; Gerard ran back inside, turning Frank around from his wrist. Gerard shoved him backward, his forearm pressed against Frank's throat as his back slammed into the wall. 

Frank wheezed, chin angled high in defiance as Gerard leaned in closer with a snarl. His arms hanged limply at his sides, unmoving and numb, as Gerard pressed towards him. His throat twisted and contorted as Gerard looked down his lashes at Frank.

"Fuck you." Gerard whispered tenderly, "You know-"

The door opened with a squeak and Gerard jumped away from Frank, pupils blown and panting heavily. "Gerard?" Mikey asked incredulously.