In the Long Run

Colors are Beautiful

After almost an hour, Evan finally returned to school.

He made sure Jared was nowhere to be seen before walking back in the doors. the bell was about to ring for lunch.

Evan hugged the walls extra tightly on the way to his locker. He extracted his lunch and made his way slowly to the lunchroom, which was already filling up. He was moving towards his regular empty table in the back. Before he could get there, however, he heard someone call his name. He turned and found Zoe Murphy waving him over.

He considered it.

But what would people think? it was ZOE MURPHY that was calling him over. Him. A nobody. an outcast. "Mr. Stutter". Surely that wouldn't go unnoticed.

Sure enough, people were already giving him curious looks.

He slowly made his way through the lunchroom to the Murphy's table. Zoe scooted over and patted the spot beside her. Evan sat down carefully as if the bench was made of glass. Cracked glass. over lava. in an endless abyss. in a black hole.

After greeting him, Zoe slowly but surely went back to her other conversations. Evan didn't mind. he didn't want to say anything completely stupid either. Eventually, he had finished his meager lunch and was growing anxious just sitting there. He got up and mumbled something about going to the bathroom. He got up and made his way out of the cafeteria, putting in his earbuds. he put on his playlist and decided to get his books for his next class.

Before he could get to his locker, however, he was pushed from behind. Again. he stumbled and fell onto the ground.

"What's up, loser?" The most annoying voice in the world said from behind him. Evan rolled over to find Jared standing above him.

"What d-do you want, J-Jared?" Evan asked, despising his stutter.

"Oh, nothing, Hansen. I want NOTHING from you. But i just was wondering... what's up with Zoe? first, it was just talking. now you're sitting at their table? What? couldn't get anyone else besides that slut to spread her legs for you?"

"Shut up, Jared." Evan growled.

"Ooh, big man's defensive. What? you don't like hearing that she opened her legs to any person that came around with a penis?"

Jared kicked him. Evan curled up on his side. Jared drew his fist back, but then someone grabbed his wrist. Jared spun around, and Evan could see Connor Murphy behind him.

"Come on, Kleinman. Kicking a kid on the ground? now that's just low. Why don't you pick on someone who's not defenseless?" Connor said with a sarcastic smile.

Evan would have been a little hurt had Connor not been helping him. So instead, he just sat there, defenseless. Just like Connor had said.

"Whatever, Murphy." Jared said, turning away. He walked off down the hall.

"You ok, Hansen?" Connor asked, stretching out a hand.

Evan opened his mouth to answer, but right then he clasped Connor's hand. There was a flash, and Evan blacked out.

When he woke up, he was still on the ground, but Connor was gone. He didn't understand what had happened. He was confused. and then he froze. Confused. He wasn't supposed to be confused. Confusion was an emotion. and that meant...

"Oh, no no no." Evan mumbled, grabbing his hair. This couldn't happen. He wasn't supposed to get his emotions. Especially not with Connor. Connor, Zoe's brother. Connor, the druggie. Connor, the person that was literally listed in the yearbook next to "least likely to get their emotions and have a soulmate".

and now he did. and his soulmate was Evan Hansen. The nobody. The ghost. The one who broke his arm because he "fell" out of a tree.

Evan scrambled to his feet and quickly got his books for his next class.

After class, Evan decided to just skip the rest of school and just go home.

He decided to skip taking a bus and just walk. he needed to be around nature, not a bunch of people with nowhere to go so they just ride the bus all day.

As he walked the five miles to his house, he had a lot of time to think. Connor was his soulmate. Connor Murphy. It was mind-blowing.

Evan had never heard of same-sex soulmates before, but it had to have happened before.

He opened the front door with the spare key under the fake rock by the door. he walked in, knowing his mom wouldn't be home. She barely was anymore.

He went up to his room and curled up on his bed. He now knew what anxiety felt like. He was filled with it. It was overwhelming. it was like a tar that covered every part of him and refused to let him breathe.

he breathed in, then out.
In

Out

In

Out

In

Out

Eventually, he fell into a fitful sleep.

The next day at school, Connor wasn't there. Evan was slightly disappointed, but mostly just relieved. That meant that he wouldn't have to deal with this soulmate business for at least another day. Unless he told his family. Or everyone. What if they all knew? Connor got stuck with Evan Hansen as a soulmate.

But no one looked at him any differently, if they looked at him at all.

It was three days before Evan saw Connor again. It wasn't till the middle of the next week that Connor acknowledged his existence.

Little by little, Evan was shrinking. Shrinking because even his own soulmate, who was supposed to love and cherish him for who he is, wouldn't look at him. Wouldn't see him. Didn't care about him.

He was purposely avoiding Evan. And Evan knew it. Every day, he got sadder, and it was like a slap in the face. He got his emotions, and yet all he felt was an overwhelming mix of Anxiety and sadness. To Evan, it wasn't even worth it. So he did the only thing he could think of.

He skipped school.

He went out in the morning like usual, but then just waited for his mom to leave before going back inside and doing absolutely nothing all day.

The teachers weren't required to take attendance, and Evan had no friends to speak of that would miss him, so he didn't worry that his mom would find out.

this went on for about a week before there was a knock on the door. Evan opened it to reveal the Murphys standing on his front step.