In the Long Run

Sometimes its better not to feel

Evan was shocked to see the Murphys on his porch.

"Hey Evan." Zoe said. "We just came to see you." Connor looked less than thrilled to be there, but Zoe was her usual bubbly self.

She looked at him expectantly.

"Oh, Do, do you w-want to come, come in?" Evan asked, moving out of the doorway.

"Sure!" Zoe said. Connor rolled his eyes but followed.

Zoe and Connor sat on the couch, while Evan remained standing.

Evan had no idea what to say, but of course, Zoe did.

"I want to know what's going on between you two." She said.

"Why would you think something was going on?" Connor asked, scowling.

"Well, one, every time I MENTION sweet Evan here, you get into a mood. Second, Evan was looking like a kicked puppy around school. Third, Evan has since skipped school. Fourth-"

"Ok, we get it, Zoe." Connor snapped.

"So I want to know what's going on. Did you guys get it on?" She asked.

"Seriously, zoe?" Connor asked.

What? It's a perfectly plausible explanation, and --"

"No, Zoe, we did not get it on! you know what else I didn't do? I didn't ask to get stuck with a stuttering FREAK as a soulmate! Why would I ever want to be SOULMATES with HIM?" Connor shoved Evan, causing him to fall to the ground.

Zoe sat openmouthed, staring at Connor.

Evan had shrunk with each word, each one a blow to him and that small spark of hope that maybe, just maybe, someone might love him
someone might want him

someone might enjoy his company

someone might see him.

Having said his peace, Connor stormed out.

Evan and Zoe sat in silence after Connor had left. He slowly got up and sat on the couch.

"Evan..." Zoe started.

Evan shook his head.

"J-just go, Zoe. I'm fine."

"He's your soulmate?" She whispered.

Evan said nothing.

"Oh my god, evan. I'm so sorry. Connor is such a dick."

Evan nodded silently.

Zoe let out a small laugh.

"I guess its kind of good, though. You get emotions, but you don't have to be stuck with that shit for the rest of your life."

Evan shook his head.

"It's not like that, Zoe. I wanted a soulmate so someone would love me for me. Someone would want me around. Someone would finally see me." He said sadly.

Zoe smiled slightly.

"Evan, I do believe that is not only the most I've heard you say, but the longest you have gone without a single stutter."

Evan realized she was right.

That got him stuttering again.

"I-I d-didn't re-realize. That's, um, that's uh, cool, I g-guess."

She rolled her eyes.

"well, it was nice while it lasted."

Evan smiled slightly at that.

"look, I'm really sorry about Connor. It would suck if I had him as a soulmate."

Evan's smile disappeared.

"I guess."

"I'm going to go talk to him. But please come back to school."

"I'll, um, I'll think a-about it." Evan said, looking down.

"ok. And Evan," She waited until he looked at her. "I like having you around. You're a cool person. Remember that." With that, she left.

Evan sat in silence for a long while before going to his room and falling into a fitful sleep.

Evan did return to school the next day.

Connor was facing him with the same hostility as before, maybe more.

Evan was regretting every second of returning until, just once, Evan caught Connor looking with a look that was a mix of regret, sadness, and fondness on his face.

The look shocked him so much that he didn't even register Connors scowl.

Ans slowly, so slowly, that little flame that had gone out, sparked to life.

A week later, Connor approached him. It was a gradual process. Evan caught him staring several times, Connor looking like he was about to say something but instead just turned away.

"Evan."

Evan turned hesitantly and found Connor fidgeting behind him.

"I-I just wanted to say..." Connor trailed off, but Evan just stood there. "I-I'm sorry. For yelling at you. And, and pushing you. I didn't mean what I said. You're not a freak. And your stutter is kind of endearing." He said smiling a little. He gently put his hand on Evan's shoulder, but Evan involuntarily flinched. Connor's smile disappeared and a look of great sadness came over his face.

"I really am sorry." He said, looking down. He walked away.

Before he had gotten far, Evan spoke.

"You weren't wrong." He said it so softly that Connor almost didn't hear him.

"What?" He asked.

"You weren't w-wrong. A-about what you, you said? I wouldn't want to b-be my soul, m-my soulmate either. I am a stuttering f-freak, and you have every right to n-not want me. W-want me around." This time, it was Evan that walked away. And Connor was too shocked to stop him.

Connor didn't know what to do with what Evan had said. it pained him to know that he caused Evan to feel that way.

And he felt like crap about it.

it tormented him all through the rest of the day and even into the night. He didn't want to be that person. He thought he had let that side of him go after... no. he wouldn't think about her. about what he put her through. And what she did in return.

He would rectify this. Some way. somehow. He smiled to himself. and he knew exactly how.

The next morning when Evan opened up his locker, there was a single rose inside. He looked around. There was no one nearby that would have put that there. So he figured it was Zoe just trying to make him feel better. He smiled at the thought.

Connor watched from down the hall as Evan opened his locker and found the rose Connor had placed there. There was first a look of utter confusion on Evan's face as he looked around, but when he looked back at the flower, he smiled slightly. and it felt like a punch in the stomach when Connor knew that Evan didn't think it was from him. His face said it all. But who else did he think would send it?

Zoe.

Of course he would think it was from Zoe.

Because why would he think it was anyone else? Connor had been nothing but a jerk ever since they found out they were soulmates.

Connor scowled and turned away, determined to somehow let evan know that he was the one that wanted Evan, that cared for him, and the one that saw him for who he was. Connor just hoped Evan would feel the same way when he found out.