EPIPHANY

Chapter Seven

Chapter seven
Selena Gomez's "The heart wants what it wants" hits differently when you are persistently trying to forget somebody who is toxic to you yet perfect for your adventures. The heart heeds no words the moment it is set on wanting a toxic person. How toxic people manage to convince the heart to hold on tight to them is amazing, You'd convulse, cry, scream and crawl if You may but you'd still go back to the same person whose presence in your life is like poison, slow but surely heading for death.
   Unarguably my marriage to Ahmad feels like such, some days where perfect but most days were rough and I kid you not this isn't one of the "marriage is not a bed of roses'' moment, marriage is not a bed of roses but it doesn't have to be a battle field either. Ahmad and I have had a smooth run since I almost left him after he insulted me for not being able to have a child, he'd apologized and I thought we were good little did I know I was gearing towards a bigger heartbreak. The problem with most of us is that we are programmed to believe violence is only physical, if a man is not hitting you he's not being violent, so he can call you stupid, break you down psychologically, call your obnoxious names but as far as he hasn't raised a finger on you he's not abusive! Make it make sense! While I don't condone any form of violence at all I'd rather a man hits me than insults me. I have lived with such a mess all my life. I watched my dad call my stepmother names, he didn't care that we were there and over the years I saw how it reduced her to a less confident woman, she lost all of her voice, not even a part of it. She didn't even want to mingle with people because my dad has put terms like "inadequate, weak, doll" etc in her head, it started like a joke until it broke her and she accepted she was weak and wouldn't be able to do well in life without my dad I love to think this is the more reason why she's staying and not just cos of the children because she feels leaving my dad means leaving her only benefactor! You'd think having understood and experienced this I'll do better and race out of this marriage from the very day it started! As a matter of honesty I shouldn't even be in this marriage because Ahmad has always shown his toxic trait but I'd let my dad bully because the society was bullying him too! Anyways, I figured these things are easier said than done. I'm learning strength daily, the strength to retreat from this makes me believe love Ahmad paints.

      "Sarauniyar Matan arewa" I heard him call from the sitting room one quiet Monday evening, it was past work hours and he'd just returned from work but I didn't hear him enter. I was in the kitchen cleaning up after making dinner. It has been quite beautiful since our last fight, each time Ahmad steps out he grabs a gift for me, from a teddy bear to fancy slippers to fluffy donuts. Suddenly I had my Ahmad from days of courtship back.

   "Guess what I got you!"
He started entering the kitchen wearing a smile as big as the Pacific Ocean, I couldn't help but smile to myself. He looked like a blind man gifted the sight of the sunset for the first time in his life. His hands were hidden behind him, obviously trying to hide whatever he got me this time.

"Let me guess, the key to that 2019 Tesla I have been wanting?"

I replied laughing knowing fully well it's not the key

"Don't worry, I'll get that for you later stop teasing me big head"

He replied still laughing

"Tada!!!" He said all goofy and smiling presenting before me the finest rainbow phone pouch I have seen in my entire life! I have a thing for phone cases, I just love to collect them in different colors and patterns Ahmad went from complaining about how extravagant that is to actually buying them for me. How sweet! Talk about meeting each other halfway huh?

"A pouch?" I squeaked like a mouse, I couldn't help it. I was excited.

"Yes my love and I bought two, I actually had it specially customized for you and I and I paid extra money so it won't be made for anybody again my darling so I'm this entire Nigeria na me and you get this kind pouch"

He was so proud of himself, and I felt honored that my own Ahmad could go that Length for me. How could I have known that that very phone case will cause me tears someday?

      That very Friday, I was catering for an event close to Ahmad's office so I thought I'd just drop by with a pack of seafood since they were his favorite, as soon as I entered the reception the air around me felt different, the workers were warm and respectful but there was a look of pity in their eyes, I felt like they were greeting me out of pity rather than regard but again ok an over thinker so I waived the thought off as one of those over thinking moment. I met Margaret his secretary sitter on her chair scribbling something on a piece of paper

"Margaret"

I called with a smile playing on my lips. She looked stunned but did a good job trying to mask it then I noticed she was trying to hide something, my eyes darted to where her finger was lo and behold she had a similar customized phone case!! The same phone case my husband told me he had made for me and it all came back to me

Two days back I took a cab because my car won't start and I met this pretty young lady who kept staring at my phone case like it looked familiar, as if she was trying to connect a few dotted lines in her head. I kept quiet until she couldn't take it anymore and she asked

"Sorry ma, did you buy this phone case? It's so lovely"

"No, my husband had it made specially for me and him"
I was beaming with a huge smile

"Oh wow! My friend's boyfriend had something similar made for her to"
She replied, still looking confused. I just nodded and smiled, not ready to argue or tell her that in the whole world only Ahmad and I have this phone case and nobody can have it.

Now standing in front of Margaret watching her try to hide the phone case? I realized how very stupid I must have been but I wasn't going to make a scene so I pretended I didn't see her try to hide it.

"How are you Margaret, it's been a while I saw you too, see how you are glowing! Ha'an! This your oga must be taking cafe of you oo"

I said smiling as if my mind wasn't occupied with plenty of theories, I was already making plenty of calculations and trying to connect lines. She seemed relieved and blushed.

"Ah madam, stop naa, we thank God tho"
She was still blushing!

"Hahaha so is he inside?"

"Yes he's ma"

For a moment I took my eyes off her and from the side of my eyes I could see her give me a scornful look, the very look she gave me some years back while Ahmad and I were still dating and I'd come to surprise him at the office. I ignored it. I needed a game plan and part of it involves not letting her know I'm cooking up a game plan!