Stay Till The A.M [Alex T]

confrontation? do I really wanna know?

(Do I wanna know?)
If this feeling flows both ways?
(Sad to see you go)
Was sort of hoping that you'd stay
(Baby, we both know)
That the nights were mainly made for saying things that you can't say tomorrow day

Crawling back to you (crawling back to you)

Ever thought of calling when you've had a few? (you've had a few)
'Cause I always do ('cause I always do)

____________

How did I end up in this predicament?

Out of all the times my fucked up mind has chosen to do stupid things this is the time I regret the most.

I am sitting next to two people. Who before this I have not previously seen for 10 fucking years. And all the while one is talking my ear off, whereas the other would rather pretend he is on fucking mars than be sitting next to me right now.

Trust me the feeling is mutual.

I was really hoping to just see him from over the bar, give him a wave or a sly smile and then probably go sleep in my car with the tinted window sheets rolled up so that no creepy ass guy would stare at me whilst I sleep my intoxication off.

That is not the case.

Honestly I feel a little bit bad for Matt just because he was so excited to see me that he didn't even notice the awkward tension surrounding me and Alex. It feels suffocating yet all Matt can do is catch me up on all of the things I had missed. Honestly true to god I did miss Matt. And all the other boys too but I wasn't going to be the clingy ex girlfriend that couldn't accept the fact that their boyfriend had broken up with them, rather yet cheated on them, anymore. I did that for way too long after the breakup to even think that I had any dignity left.

I was a stupid 16 year old in love. I should've listened to all the warnings people gave about being in love too young. It really does come back to bite you in the arse.

Matt was a good guy. I think him and arielle may have briefly had a thing going on back then but I'm not exactly sure. There was always some kind of tension I could never place when we were all together but Alex and Matt seemed to have known what it was. I never dwelled on it though cause I just didn't know how to approach the subject. It's not like I could walk up to her and be like "why do you always act kind of off when you me Matt and Alex all hang out because I'm really stumped on this one" you know?

Matt callin my name breaks me out of my pity party and just being in my head in general.

I do feel bad now though because although I'm sitting right next to him, I have just blocked out everything he has just said.

"Earth to fucking Juliet, wow you really haven't changed have ya? Always being in your own head. You my dear old friend looks like you could use a drink... well... just a tad bit more than whet ya already seem to of consumed cause you're pissed off yer face" he stands out.

"Woah really didn't need the reminder mate." I laugh out.

 Honesty I don't even know what I was thinking getting shit faced like this. What did I think it would do? Give me confidence, cause it obviously hasn't. I still haven't made one move to even acknowledge the presence of Alex. he just seems to be observing me talking to Matt. Like he can't figure me out.

Good. because if he could he would be able to see how much of an internal wreck I am right now.

"But..erm..n-no.. no.. I'm alright, I've already been ere for a few hours and I think I should get going soon anyways" I tell them. Well, Matt. I am feeling extremely embarrassed and I just want this experience gone. Over and done with. Bet the people here have already seen me drink myself into oblivion so there's that also. One thing I'm glad I never got from my mother was being an embarrassing drunk, or even just a pity drunk.