Stay Till The A.M [Alex T]

Date

I had a strange dream that night.

Once I had gotten inside my car and had situated myself so that when I decided to wake up I didn't break my neck, I just layed there... and thought. I thought about all the fun times I had with all of the lads.

The memories that built up most of my teenage years. Good and bad.

I thought of how on my first date with Alex we were so nervous to just be alone, that both of us brought a friend. It ended up becoming a double date. I took Arielle along and he took Jamie. We went to the local fair that comes around every six months and just had such an amazing time.

We all hung out together but made sure to stick with our "date" for the majority of the night  so that me and Alex would have some alone time, but at least it made for fond memories later on.

I thought about the time Alex and I first... did it.

It was my 17th birthday.

He had set out a perfect little dinner at his house. Nothing like you see in movie's where they go to Paris and rent out the higher most room in the best hotel suit.

It was small. Cosey. In his house in sheffield.

His mum and dad were out for the evening, doing what I don't really know, but I bet Alex had asked them to leave for him. He would do that sort of thing back then.

Before we could even dig in to the food, I had jumped on him. Having him there, looking all smart showing me he had made an effort, thinking about how much time and thought he put into it all had my emotions on high alert.

It was... as good as a first time can be I guess. He went slow. Let me get used to it. It did hurt but not excruciatingly so you could say it was good.

After that we went back downstairs and had our food just in time for Penny and David to come back. They definitely suspected something had happened but they were gracious enough to never talk about it or bring it up again.

And then, last but not least, before I could drift off into a night full of dreaming, I thought about that night.

The heartbreak I felt and the tedious look in Alex's face.

I had gone back to school feeling like such a wuss because I never had a clue, and apparently everyone else did. The looks I got were either one of pity or one of stupidity.

When that whole ordeal had happened Matt and Jamie had tried to talk to me. They had tried to make excuses for their friend but truthfully nothing they could have said would've made me feel any less of a push over. Everyone was talking about it. I made me into a shell of a person.

I gave Alex everything I had. All of my firsts. Especially my love and heart. I hadn't given it to anyone before and he took it and tainted it with lies and deceit.

It took so long to let anyone in again. Which was also another stepping stone I had to learn to get over, all on my own.

So needless to say I went to sleep angry. I went to sleep mad.

And then... dreams.

Dreams happened and I didn't know what to make of it.

One of them was that me and Alex had made it, past that point anyways.

He had never cheated on me. We had made it till school finished and we both moved to London, me to get my psychology degree and him to pursue music. And then it happened again. His band hit off and he left me. To fend for myself, and my broken heart.

Then in the next dream... we had a baby.

We were in a play park and with Jamie and Matt and Nick and their kids. And Miles was there too.