Patrick Stump was fat.
He was disgustingly, grossly, hugely, undeniably fat.
It wasn't something he could deny either. It wasn't something you could hide under a few sweaters or squeeze into that tight pair of jeans. It was just there.
It was there every time he looked in the mirror, it was there every time a stranger stared at his stomach, it was there when he stepped on the scales each night.
He'd tried everything, from throwing up to the latest diet pills. Heck, he'd even tried exercise, but nothing worked.
But Patrick's perception was a little warped to say the least.
Pete Wentz is Patrick Stump's best friend.
He tried to tell Patrick about how skinny he was. He tried to tell him about how the bone was starting to show, about how he could see his ribs, about how fucked up this was.
But alas, Pete Wentz isn't known for being the bravest of souls. He isn't known for much really, other than that time he ran round the field naked for a dare, but that doesn't really count because Andy made him do it.
But Pete Wentz knows things. Not relevant things, like A + 410 + bc = 693, or how the water cycle works, he is a self-proclaimed underachiever (not that he even knew what self-proclaimed ment), but he knew things about Patrick Stump.
He knew Patrick hated himself, he knew that Patrick was far too skinny, he knew that Patrick probably has an eating disorder, he knew that, despite all this, he was desperately in love with Patrick Stump.
But Patrick Stump wasn't a telepath, so these thoughts went on unnoticed.
Patrick went on thinking he was fat and Pete went on thinking about what dog food tastes like, and about how madly in love he was with Patrick.
But one day, after speaking to the schools resident fairy god fag, Ray Toro, and the schools resident cockblock, Mikey Way (who happened to be dating each other), he decided to confess his love to Patrick.
So off he went, oblivious to what was going on in the toilets. (A drug deal featuring Bob and Joe but that's beside the pot, I mean point.)
Then again, he was also oblivious to the fact that Patrick already knew about how deeply Pete was infatuated was with him.
And that made Patrick feel kinda... fuzzy. (Probably just indigestion.) It made him feel loved and wanted and a little less shitty. And because Patrick here isn't your typical white boy with unrealistic self esteem issues (his were highly realistic for your information) he decided, 'hey, he's a nice guy, why don't we date?'
And that's what your brain is for kids.
So Patrick sat under the cork tree and waited for Pete to come and find him. (Because Pete clearly tops so he's gotta work for Patrick's sweet bootay)
Now, Pete had checked the whole school and was about to give up when he saw Patrick under the cork tree. And he thought 'hey, that's a good album title for my future band!' So he wrote it down and walked over to Patrick.
"Hey Pat."
"Hey Pete."
Pete sighed, Patrick 'cockblock' Stump wasn't making this easy for him. So he got an unusually intelligent idea (for his standards anyway). He sprinkled seamen on the ground and summoned the sassy, fabulous diva that is Gerard Way.
Gee struck a sassy pose and said in his most ghetto voice:
"Hey sweet cheeks, make it quick, I'm in the middle of giving Frankie a blowie."
So Pete asked him if he could borrow a breath mint because he had just eaten a triple garlic pizza with pepperoni and hot sauce.
"Sure thing sugar!" Gerard then decended back to hell and finished giving Frank his bj. (He swallowed because spitters are quitters.)
So Pete ate the breath mint and leaned in to kiss Patrick.
They kissed, swapped saliva, exchanged bacteria, cleaned each other's teeth.
How many more ways can ya fuckin say it?
Idek, do I look like I have a degree in eroti- I mean literature.
Let's just say it was good, ok?
Anywhore, after they had finished... kissing....
They stared into each others eyes.
Then Pete blinked and ruined the moment.
And Patrick licked his eyeballs because he's secretly a lizard, shh, don't tell anyone.
So Patrick awkwardly asked if they were dating because that's how they do it in this here town.
And Pete said yeah, sure.
And then a wild Brendon Urie appeared, along with a wild Ryan Ross and relitively tame Dallon Weekes. But then that all went to shit because Ryan and Dallon started fighting over who got to date Brendon.
But they ended up having a threesome anyway so it's all good. (But Dallon later on started dating Spencer and Ryan and Brendon got married and started an Mpreg fic).
And then they went home and had some nice, vanilla buttsecks because that's how they (save) (rock) (and) roll.
Le end.
Hope you enjoyed! I decided to do something different today. ^-^ but anywhore, stay sassy!
Lizzie :3
