Lemon boy

Niko

TW: swearing, F slur, violence, yelling

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    My life is a shit show right now, and yet I've had more fun this week than I've had my whole life. Even if Niko is a little sour at times, he makes me feel a way I've never felt before. When I'm around him, i just want to hold his hand and his kiss and snuggle with him under a blanket on his porch.

As much as I like being around him, there's still a little voice in my head saying, 'What am I going to tell my family and friends. What would they think of me?'
I can't tell them yet, I don't even know what I would tell them. I do know however, that I should talk to Noah.

I approach Noah's front door and clench my fist. I breath in a calming inhale and hit the door lightly, with my fists.

His mom answers the door with a smile, as always. She lets me in without hesitation and even asks if I want anything to eat or drink. I graciously deny and make my way to Noah's room. With another deep breath I knock on the door.

"Come in." He probably thinks I'm his mom. I open the door as he glances up at me from his phone. His facial expression turns to an annoyed look with squinted eyes.

"What are you doing here?"

"Can we talk, about what you saw?"

He says nothing but grants my request with a nod followed by a scoff. I enter the room and close the door behind me to give us some privacy. I stay quit for a few seconds trying to put what I want to say into words.

"So, who's your new boyfriend." His question flashes out of the awkward silence, startling me.

"He's not my boyfriend yet and his name is Niko." He nods his head and avoids looking in my direction.

"Are you gay?" How am I suppose to answer that?! Am I gay?

"I- I don't know" I shrug my shoulders.

He looks frustrated but understanding. Still, he continues to interstate me.
"How can you not know?? Do you like guys?"

"I don't know! I think so." This conversation is way different than what I prepared for. I have no idea how to answer these questions! We stay silent for a while not making eye contact. Our eyes just dart around the room trying to find anything to focus on, other than each other.

"Who else knows?" He asks in a much more calm manner.

"No one. You're the only person that knows,
that's why you can't tell anyone." I clasp my hands together in front of me and look over to him to beg for him to stay quite.

"I would never, but you should. If you are gay, or bi, or whatever else you could be, our friends deserve to know." he says firmly. He's right but, what would they think of me? I nod silently and keep looking anywhere but him.

We talk some more but it's mostly just awkward silence filled with an occasional bold question. He seems a little hurt but only because I didn't tell him about what I'm going through.

I start my walk home but the wind makes it sort of miserable and cold. Plus, the whooshing wind covers up the crunching sound the leaves.

"Hey!" I hear Jamie's sweet voice call out. He's sitting on his porch with no shoes on again, despite the cold wind.

"Aren't you cold?" I ask approaching his porch.

"Kinda." he pauses and looks back at his front door, "My mom's at work. Do you maybe wanna come inside?" Me and him, alone, together?