In Love With Fear (Discontinued)

Chapter One

I hate everything having to do with what I am doing right now.

If I'm stuck with anything about relationships... I'm out of there faster than a chipmunk on crack. Those cute and cuddily, googily-eyed emotions that attack at your cheeks like a hard slap to the face isn't exactly flattering to me. Neither is the explosion of bugs that we like to imagine as a metaphor to that supposedly wonderful feeling of nerves. I don't take joy in that giddy feeling that most hormonal teenage girls experience with their crushes.

I don't even have a crush, because if I did... well, let's just say I'd be better off falling off the face of the Earth.

Ryan was currently preparing to ask out his crush. I wanted nothing to do with this, but a promise is a promise. I've always told him that whatever he needs, I'll be there for him. It has been years and I've never once broken a promise to him. Especially a pinky promise.

Of course, some of the things he wants me to do I'll refuse immediately, but he'll always bring up the punishment we agreed upon breaking a pinky promise. I'd dye my hair pink, he'd get his ears pierced.

Those were two things we've always dreaded. Then again, they were two things that will always remind us to keep our promises.

It has definitely worked.

I put my hand on Ryan's shoulder lightly, biting back my hatred for the situation and setting it aside so I could comfort him. I could feel how tense he was, shaking slightly. He seemed to calm a little by the comforting gesture. "C'mon man, you can do it. Just build up some courage and ask her out already."

"But, what if she says no?" He asked, his voice faltering. His fist hanging by his side clenched and unclenched, arm rippling with small muscles that could be seen up until the short sleeve of his shirt. He shook his head and stared at his feet, kicking absently at the ground. I patted his shoulder reassuringly, hoping he'd be able to gain the confidence he needed. He looked up from his feet and caught my eyes. I smiled at him, hoping to calm his nerves at least in the slightest.

"Oh really now? It's not like it'll be the end of the world." Abby, standing right in front of us as we helped Ryan, rolled her eyes at his behavior. She stood with her own confidence showing. In a way, even with just her body language, she was telling us that this would be a piece of cake to her.

"Not for you guys." Ryan muttered, glaring at Abby for a split second before going back to kicking the ground.

"Hey, what's the worst that could happen? She says no, you move on, you find someone else, right? Nothing bad there. Everyone does that once in a while," I chipped in. I took my hand off his shoulder, not realizing it was still there. His shoulder twitched a little, but it was barely noticeable. It could even be just a trick of the eye.

He paused in the kicking and stood up straight, glaring at me. "You're the last person that should be giving advice about relationships."

I put my hand to my heart, faking hurt. I knew that, but I wanted to comfort him. "At least I can try to help."

"Yeah, that's not bad advice. This might be weird, but I think she knows more about relationships than any of us. That's probably why she doesn't like them." Abby commented, holding one finger up as she made her point.

I nodded my head, agreeing. "Sort of." I shrugged it off. "We're not here to talk about my problems; we're here to get Ryan to finally ask out his dream girl!"

I swallowed that sour taste in my mouth that accompanied the words I had just uttered. I was trying too hard to act like I cared and I just made that clear. It's all the nervous and romantic feelings in the air. I'm afraid I'll catch it like people catch a cold. There are just so many things I don't understand about relationships. So many commitments and romantic things. I just can't deal with it. There's something about a relationship, and that dreaded four letter word, that I just can't stand.