random thoughts....

Untitled Part 2

it's been a long time since the last time na nagsulat ako. and it's been a while since nag.isip ako kung ano ang susunod kong isusulat. kung sino at ano ang magiging laman nito. tungkol saan at bakit ako magsusulat. walang sense? oo. kasi for the past few months i've wasted my time doing nothing without realizing that i'm running out of time. until one day may nakausap ako. sabi nya treat every moment as if it is your last card. until something happened that made me think that yes, it is indeed real and it make sense.

di ako perpektong tao, madami akong pagkakamali na nagawa sa buhay ko, madaming taong nawala sa buhay ko at alam ko may kasalanan ako bakit sila nawala at piniling umalis tuluyan sa buhay ko, a part of me pushed them away. i didn't mean to, lagi ko sinasabi na i'm not your ordinary girl, but know what? i am. i'm just an ordinary girl, who cries, a little girl who wants to be heard, who wants to be a part of someone's life. a little girl who's afraid to be alone. nagmahal, nasaktan, nagkamali, at ngayon unti unting bumabangon. bumabangon bago tuluyang maubusan ng oras at panahon para masabi, magawa ang mga bagay bagay. pero sa mga di tuluyang nakakakilala sakin? one thing about me, mataas ang pride ko, masama ugali ko, madami mang akong pagkakamali pero kapag ginawa ko ginawa ko.

madaming nagnyayari sa buhay natin, madalas sinasabi natin na ayos lang yan kasi may bukas pa, kasi may dadatign pa naman. kasi may susunod pa. gasgas na pero pano kung wala na nga talagang susunod. at kung anong meron ka ngayon ay ang sya ng huli. bibitawan mo pa ba to? ipapatalo mo pa ba ang last card mo sa laro ng buhay basta basta. in life walang sigurado, sabi nga ng isang kabigan ko the only certain thing in life is uncertainty, walang isang bagay ang nauulit ng pangalawang beses. walang araw ngayon ang mauulit bukas. kahit ang mga bagay nasulat na, mabura mo man ito andun pa din ang bakas ng dati mong sinulat. kaya madalas sa hindi naghihinayang tayo sa nakaraan, binabalik balikan ito hanggang di natin napapansin nasasayang ang kung anong meron nagyon, kaya bukas ang ngayon ay nagiging isang kahapon na nasayang lamang at pilit binabalikan. hanggang magising ka isang araw naubos mo na pala ng bukas mo kakahabol mo ngayon sa nakaraan. mula pa rin sa isang kaibigan, MEMORIES ARE GREAT BUT THAT'S ALL THEY ARE.. sounds pathetic, but it's reality. memories are memories. memories are just memories. masaya, pero diba mas masaya kung eenjoy natin ang bagay na meron tao ngayon at wag mabuhay sa memories lang? pano kung ang araw na ito ay last day na pala natin, nasayang ang oras kakaisip at di na nakagawa ng memories na ibabaon natin. babaon saan? sa pagpanaw natin. we may want it or not doon din tayo lahat pupunta. it is just a matter of how and when. pero ang mahalaga ano bang nagawa natin at kung pano natin naenjoy ang mga oras natin. inimbento ang salitang memories para alalahanin. di naman masama ang gustuhin at panagaraping maulit ito pero ang dun ka na mabuhay sa nakaraan nasaan na ang iyong bukas? walang bagay na nauulit muli, pero lahat ng bagay pwede mong simulan. in the proecess of loving somebody too much i didn't realize besdies losing all the people i love i didn't realize i even lost myself. wala akong pinagsisishan dun, ginusto ko lahat ng nangyari sakin. choice ko yun. because once upon a time that person also saved me from myself.  

di ako magmamalinis, isa ako sa mga taong nabuhay sa mga memories, sinira ko once ang buhay ko sa mga bagay na akala ko ay magpapakasaya sakin. sinisi ko lahat ng tao dahil sa sakit na naramdaman ko. dinaan sa galit ang sakit. sa totoo lang hanggang ngayon hindi ko alam ang mga salitang gagamitin para madescribe ang mga nangyari, sa mga bagay na naramdamana ko. siguro alam ko, pero siguro mas pinili ko na alng din na wag pansinin. bakit? siguro dahil eto ang gusto kong paraan para laruin ang last card ko. kanya knayang laro, kanya kanyang paraan ng paglalaro. and this how i'm going to play my game. ayoko ng magalit, sa totoo lang ayoko ng makaramdam ng kahit ano. but life taught me how to play things the hard way. 

Only once in your life, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colours seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life.