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Now he is dead and I'm alive.

Hello, my friends! How are you all doing? I feel like I need to apologize for not updating regularly. I have always been pretty strict with my uploading but there has been a lot of change happening in my life and I can tell that it is very hard for me to find my way back up. Right now, I finally found the courage to get myself up and try to fix everything that was going wrong in my life. Please, be patient with me, I am trying my best. I applied for new jobs, started my drivers license and I'm still trying to move on and heal from my ex-boyfriend. I turned eigtheen four days ago and now I need to get my life right. I hope you can understand!

Alec's POV

There was a knock on my door, it wasn't loud but loud enough to hear it. Still, I did not have the strength to answer and I acually hoped that whoever was in front of my door knows that I didn't really feel like talking at the moment.

I haven't left my room for the rest of the day. I didn't want to eat, I didn't want to sleep, it was like my mind was holding me back from doing all that and I hated it. There was no way I could ever deal with something like this, how do people do that? How do they lose the most important person in their lives and just go on? How can they survive because right now it feels like I'm dying.

My door opened and I saw a female figure standing in the door frame, which meant it could only be Joelle or Celine that was bothering me. "Can I talk to you for a second?" the voice was for sure Celine's so I looked up and nodded.

She entered my room, closed the door behind her and sat down at the ege of my bed as I sat up in my bed. Her eyes seemed swollen which must come from the tears she had been crying all day. Who can blame her? She lost her best friend. The one friend she knew all her life. The one friend she went criminal for. She knew Magnus way longer than I did.

"I am truly sorry," she said out loud as she looked into my eyes. I wondered what she was feeling sorry for, after all, she didn't say something wrong. It was fair enough of her to ask me, why I didn't stop him and how I could let that happen. "It wasn't okay of me to blame you because that was for sure not your fault. You couldn't have known that he would jump." she explained which made me avert my eyes.

It was the hardest thing I have ever been through. Seeing him jumping down that bridge, it kept replaying in my head. Nothing could distract me because as soon as there is one little moment of silence, I'd think of it. I shook my head and said: "He didn't deserve that. He wasn't even supposed to be a part of all this. I was the one who brought him into this and now he is dead and I am alive." Celine put her hand on mine, as a single tear ran down her cheek. 

She loved him just as much as I did, I was sure of that s we had something to share. The pain of losing him. "You would have done the same for him. We all would have done the same for all of us. And I believe that he is still here, he guides us," she said and I smiled a little. I never really believed in this. There was no life after death, that's it. Peple just tell things like that to themselves so the feeling of them being gone isn't that painful. "We're gonna kick their asses, for Magnus." she added and she was right. Liam needed to die, everyone who ever tried to harm Magnus needed to die. 

Suddenly, the grief turned into anger. I wanted revenge, I needed revenge. Magnus didn't deserve this and I will fight for him. I will do my best to punish everyone whoever did him wrong. 

Magnus POV

It was already dark when Camille and I were sitting at a fireplace, we lit up by ourselves. I knew how to do that, because Celine and I once did a camping trip without a lighter, just wood and stone. We didn't quite know where we were, which was why we had to take a break for now. Going all the way through the woods in the dark might lead us wrong, so we will wait till it's daylight. 

Nilan was sleeping peacefully, he seemed pretty exhausting and I couldn't blame him. He was young and not supposed to go through all that, just like Joelle. They were alike, they were both trapped in this gang, no escape. "For a moment I really thought you died." Camille said, as she poked the fire with a stick. I looked up at her, wondering why she was even here. After all these years she decided to show up and save me? It didn't make sense. 

"You just left. I haven't seen you since then, not even once." I mumbled, finally wanting to have an explanation for everything. She sighed softly, not knowing what to tell me. Her being back brought up feelings in me, I didn't know I could feel. I was happy with Alexander, I really was but seeing someone you loved with all your heart after such a long time just brings up old things.

"Everything around me was imploding and I couldn't pull you into this. You didn't deserve this." she let me know, whereupon I frowned confused. "But I also didn't deserve being left with no explanation! I loved you so much, Camille. Do you have any idea how hard it was losing you? It felt like I was dying!" I snapped annoyed because she shouldn't have treated me this way. Camille nodded and looked down at the fire. 

"I am sorry, I really am but I was just really overwhelmed and I had no idea how to handle all this. Magnus, you meant so much to me. You were the first guy that made me feel loved and I loved you just as much but as everything with the gang got worse and worse, I felt like I had to leave. It was the best for all of us." she explained to me. That meant, that she had already been in the gang when we were together and this was the reason why she left. How does Liam get to destroy my life all along?

"How did you even get into all this?" I wanted to know. How did everyone I love get in such a mess? "My dad started all this. He was a drug dealer and sold his stuff to Liam's people one time. Apparently, he must have not treated them right because after some months they were after him. They showed up at home when I was seventeen and devestated everything in our house. My mom was terrified and left us alone. She didn't take me with her since she hated my dad. I guess she just couldn't look at me without seeing him." she told me, which made me feel bad for her. None of this wasn't her fault and still it seemed like her mom blamed her. 

"At some point my dad and Liam made a pact and he joined the gang to pay his debt. He pulled me into this, I needed to join him even though I was young. First it was all fine because I didn't really know what Liam and his people were doing. I had a normal life, I had you and my friends but after a while I realized that there was assault, drugs and murder going on behind my back and they wanted me to be like them. They wanted to leave New Jersey, so we did. I couldn't tell you, so I wrote you a letter and left." she let me know and now it made sense to me. How did I not realize any of this? Why did she never open up to me about this?

"I am sorry, Camille." I said but she just shook her head. It was crazy how you think you know someone but you don't. "That's why I like to take care of the younger ones in the gang, like Nilan. He's a really nice kid and totally in love with Joelle. He needed to get out of there, so I took him with me searching for you." she explained and I thought this was really nice of her. Camille was a nice person, trapped in the wrong gang.