Ready to hide

She was pure good.

I was sitting on the bed holding a book. I actually wanted to sleep, but I still couldn't. I wasn't really tired, even though the day was very... exciting. It was late and I was pretty sure the others were already asleep.

I was excited. Tomorrow I would see Alexander again after three years and I couldn't wait. I hoped for that day every day since he left. Quite often I have imagined it in the past two weeks. I hoped it would be as nice as I had imagined.

I looked up when I heard someone knock on my door. Apparently not everyone was asleep yet. "Come In." I said and shortly afterwards Blake came into my room. I had expected Celine or Elliott, but definitely not Blake.

His hair was a mess and he wore black sweatpants with a white t-shirt. He probably tried to sleep, but hadn't made it either. At least that's what he looked like.

"I saw that your light was still on." he noted. I still had the lamp on the bedside table on because I couldn't read in the dark. "Am I interrupting you right now?" he wanted to know. I shook my head, I thought it was strange that he was here. He closed the door.

"What's wrong?" I asked confused. Blake didn't talk to me very much. At least not voluntarily. Most of the time I was the one who started the talks and I talked most of the time. He never seemed really interested in talking to me, but that was okay. I didn't complain.

"I wanted to thank you." he said, causing me to frown. Very strange, I thought. Was that the real Blake? Did he take anything? Any drugs? "You know, for doing everything to get Alec out of jail. Even giving up your job." he explained and came closer to me.

"I love Alec and I would do it again and again." I assured him. He nodded and sat on the edge of the bed. I felt that this was going to be a long conversation and he didn't just want to thank me.

"Do you know why I never really liked you?" he wanted to know. I shook my head. No, I didn't know that, but I would be very interested. "There were always two reasons." he let me know.

"Because I'm annoying? Because I brought chaos to your life?" I asked but he shook his head. So that wasn't the reason? I would have always rated it that way because I couldn't think of anything else.

"I knew Alec would die for you. He would do anything to protect you because it was always important to him that you were safe and happy." he said. I smiled a little. It was nice to hear that. "I just didn't think you would do the same for him. I knew that if Alec loves, he loves with passion and forever, but I didn't know how it was with you." he explained to me. I frowned.

"I would do anything for him, anything." I let him know. He nodded. Alec was extremely important to me, even after three years. I didn't think I could ever get over him.

"I know that now. I mean, you gave up everything again, even after three years. I know that you love him incredibly. Probably like you've never loved anyone, but I was afraid for Alec because I didn't know what would have happened if you had broken his heart even though he might have broken yours several times." he said. That made sense. He wanted to protect Alec. "But then there was the drama with Nick, you have to understand that I just didn't trust you." he added. I nodded. In fact, I could understand that.

"And what was the second reason?" I asked. He looked away and sighed. What else?

"When it all worked out with you, I was jealous." he let me know. I looked at him very surprised. Wait what? Jealous? Of me?

"Wait, are you..., you know, in love with Alec?" I asked carefully. Blake frowned and shook his head. I took a deep breath. For a brief moment I thought he was always in love with Alec. I would have felt bad for him now if that was the case.

"No! No way! Alec is like a brother to me." he said. I was relieved because it would be very unpleasant otherwise. "I was jealous of your relationship, your love." he explained to me. This whole scenario was very strange. Blake never told me anything. Not even the smallest thing about his life.

"Are you talking about Claire?" I asked carefully. He swallowed hard. I thought it was a pretty sensitive topic for him. He got angry when this guy said her name. "Was she your girlfriend?" I asked.

"She was so much more than just my girlfriend. She was the woman I wanted to marry and the woman I wanted to have kids with, even if it sounds crazy because we were so young." he said. He didn't look at me. I could tell how difficult it was for him to talk about this, but I found it nice that he told me. I didn't know anything about him and that was a huge step for both of us.

"I met her in kindergarten. We were always best friends and the older we got, the more we realized that it was more than just friendship. When I was fifteen I asked her if she wanted to be my girlfriend. We were just kids, but we were together for three years until I turned eighteen." he said. That sounded really romantic. Like a perfect love story.

"What happened?" I wanted to know. After all, everything sounded great. I couldn't imagine why they broke up. Blake seemed to have loved her very much, or who knows, still loves her.

"Um, she passed away." he replied after clearing his throat. I could hear how hard it was for him to say these three words. Somehow it hurt to hear that. I didn't expect that and I felt so sorry for him. Blake didn't deserve that.

His eyes shimmered as if all the hurt he felt throughout his life came to light now but also as if it was a little feeling of relief to finally be able to talk about this after such a long time. I could never imagine the pain he had to go through, losing that one person he loved the most.

"She suffered from cancer. I often spent nights in the hospital to stand by her side. They had found cancer in elementary school and she died shortly before she could turned eighteen." he explained to me. I swallowed because it was even difficult for me to process all this.

"I'm so sorry, Blake." I said but he was silent. "What was she like?" I asked him. He smiled a little, but his eyes still shimmered. After this, I understood why he was this salty sometimes. How could he not be? The world was cruel to take the one special person away.

"Claire was beautiful. She had long blonde hair. She had natural curls that she hated, which is why she mostly straightened her hair but she looked beautiful either way. Her eyes were blue like the ocean and every time I looked into her eyes, it felt like I was floating. Most of the time she was wearing pink lipstick and she also had freckles." he explained to me. I could visualize her and she looked really beautiful in my mind.

"She laughed a lot and could put a smile on everyone's face. Everyone loved her because you couldn't hate her. She made me a better person. She was helpful and she loved animals. Her favorite color was pastel pink. She was a typical girl and yet she was different from everyone else. She was pure good. She was the kind of good everyone needed in their live." he said with a smile. A tear ran down his cheek, but he wiped it away. Unfortunately, it was always the best people who had to leave us too early.

"The last words she said to me were, 'I'll see you again.'" he let me know. "She died next to me and I would never love anyone else since then. My heart belongs to her." he said. I smiled sadly at him. That was... wow.

"She seemed to be a wonderful person." I said and he nodded. He looked at me again and smiled. It was the first time that he actually smiled at me for real.

"She was." he said. He wiped away the tears and sat up again. "Alec and you deserve to be happy, so stop saying it wouldn't work." he said. He was actually right. What he said made sense. We always told ourselves that it had no future, but we had never tried it. He turned and wanted to go. "Oh, by the way, if you tell someone, you're dead, you idiot," he said before leaving my room. I laughed.

"Don't worry, I can keep things to myself." I said and he nodded with a smile. "Good night, Blake." I said before he left my room. It was very emotional and special. It was important because he opened up. It felt like we finally had a better connection.