(3) Not the Same: An All Time Low Fanfiction Romance

Chapter 18: Explain

        I got out of work late, nearly half an hour after six, when Alyssa finally came through the door. She hurried, babbling about traffic, and losing track of time with her boyfriend. I shrugged, muttering that it was fine as we switched places. She took up the stance behind the counter and I headed out the door.

        it was warm and humid, even as the sun sank from the sky, and I didn't want to think about how hot my car would be. I pulled open the door, keepint it ajar, airing out the inside for a moment as I pulled out my phone, seeing I had missed a message from Stella.

        I got your note from Zack. I'm heading over so we can talk.

        The message was from ten minutes ago. I was going to be stuck in traffic with countless others who'd be stressed out.

        I just got out. You might beat me there.

        I dropped my phone onto the seat, pulling the door shut as I turned my car on, then pushed the air condiion her on, turning it on high to cool the interior of my car faster. After a few minutes, I turned it down, turning up the radio as I drove forward.

        I knew Stella wouldn't completely mind waiting, but I was impatiently, and when my phone went off about five minutes away from the apartment, I knew it was Stella telling me she was there.

        She'd been waiting in her car, idling in the parking lot, I noticed as I pulled in. She looked up as I pulled into the empty space next to her, and we pushed open our doors at the same time. I grabbed my phone and she grabbed her bag before we stood up, walking towards the building.

        "Hey, sorry, the girl working after me showed up almost a half hour late," I apologized as we fell into besides each other, nearing the front door.

        "It's no problem," she said easily, smiling reassuringly. "It's only been a few minutes, but I ordered a pizza. I haven't eaten yet, and I didn't think you would have either."

        She glanced at me cautiously, removing her sunglasses from the top of her head to put them in her purse as we stepped inside. "I haven't," I assured her. She nodded, still smiling warmly, chosing not to say anything until we'd gotten to my apartment.

        "it's nothing special," I muttered, imagining the place she was staying in with Alex. It probably looked like a palace compared to my apartment. Still, as I flicked on a few lights, Stella stepped in, looking around the place. "It's enough for the both of us, though," I added.

        She stopped looking around to look at me, not looking surprised, but like she wanted confirmation on the 'us'.

        "You and Craig?" she wondered, although I was positive she already knew. I nodded feeling where the conversation was going. It was what Stella, and everybody else, wanted to know since the moment I left, even more so after our lives crossed paths again. Stella had been nice enough not to pry the first time, but that was weeks ago, and I knew she wanted to know, for her and everyone else.

        "So, you guys are...together?" she wondered again, still looking for confirmation from me. I bit my lip, sitting comfortably on the couch that I had walked over to. Stella walked over too, sitting on the end, tucking her legs up underneath her easily.

        "I guess," I admitted quietly. "Maybe, it's complicated." I ran a hand through my hair, staring in the opposite direction of Stella, out the window.

        "You know you can tell me, if you want to talk about it anyway. I wouldn't tell anyone, not even Alex," she promised, her voice lower like mine.

        I thought for a moment. I wanted to tell her, to have somebody to talk to about it, and I could trust her. I thought I could. She had only told Alex that I was here after she found out, and neither of them had told Zack, and he wasn't mad at me, he wanted me back in his life instead of out of it.

        Maybe that's why I hesitated to tell Stella. It would surprise her, our open relationship, and it would surely surprise Zack, probably even make him angry. I didn't know what that would do to whatever friendship we'd develop. I didn't think I could keep it away from him forever, especially if I was back in their lives, but I wanted it a secret long enough to get a relationship between us, hoping somehow, that would make it not as hard for him to hear. I wanted him to think that I wasn't as different as I really was.        

        They knew me as careful, put together, genuis Lauren. My brain might be the only thing that didn't change, at least, the genuis part of it.

        I wasn't put together. I wasn't careful. I was a mess most of the time, barely balancing school and work, all the while trying to figure out what was going on with Craig and me. I wans't careful, taking my time to ensure that I wouldn't get hurt in the end. I lt myself give into Craig every time he wanted me, and he wa shurt every time I wouldn't. I was being stupid, and maybe I cared, maybe I didn't, but if I hadn't been able to stop I would have the moment Craig suggested the open relationship. I was in pretty deep now.

        I could see that Stella knew that as I explained everything, starting from the beginning, with the first few months I lived here, how I was fighting with myself over what I did, how I was torn for what I had done to everybody, how Craig had tried to help me.

        It only turned to Craig and I as more than friends, and then it progressed further from there. I only glanced at her a few times, mostly keeping my eyes out the window, like it would make it easier to explain everything. One time I looked at her was when I was explaining my open relationship, how I slept with Craig when we were together, and how I hid in my room or at the library while he was moving through a new fling. I could see the surprise on her face, but once she saw my eyes on her face, she masked it easily.

        It took a lot, explaining that part of my life to Stella, but it felt good, telling everybody instead of keeping everything to myself.

        When I was finished, a silence fell between us, and I could only wonder what exactly she was thinking. Her silence meant she was taking it all in, everything I said, and figuring out what to say. My silence meant I was waiting, anxious to hear how she felt, or how she would tell me she felt.

        "Do you know what you're doing Lauren?" she asked slowly, softly. "Open relationships aren't always fair for both people, and it looks to me, like you're getting the short end of the stick, while Craig comes and goes as he pleases," She wansn't saying it to be hurtful, or mean, but as a friend, a person genuinely concerned.       

        "Yeah, I know," I mumbled.

        "So, why do you do it then?" she wondered, still keeping her voice calm and even and friendly. Her next question took me completely by surprise. "Are you in love with him?"