(3) Not the Same: An All Time Low Fanfiction Romance

Chapter 62: Shouldn't Be

        I wiped the small tears from the corners of my eyes, sniffling in an attempt to stop my soft cries. I sat curled up on the couch wrapped in a sweatshirt and a pair of Zack's sweatpants. The sleeves served as a tissue for the salty water that ran slowly down my cheeks.

        I felt like such a child with the amount of crying I'd done in the last few weeks. I wasn't usually the person to be so frustrated this way all the time. I didn't like to cry, I didn't like people feeling bad for me. I didn't like to feel weak, or not be able to hide my problems. I'd been hiding my issues for six years straight because I didn't like to face them, or for others to know I had to deal with things that were out of my control.

        Just the simple fact that Craig couldn't get past my relationship with Zack to still be my friend made my heart shatter. He told me how he would always be there for me, how he wouldn't ever hurt me the way Zack had. But, he did, and he hurt me in a worse way. He had a choice, but I wasn't worth it in his eyes. My friendship wasn't enough for him.

        I wasn't sure I would ever get over just how much that killed me inside.

        The door wiggled, and my eyes darted to the handle as I heard the keys on the other side. I wiped under my eyes vigorously, fingers rubbing over my face. I shook my head, blinking multiple times. I scrambled for the remote on the coffee table, hitting the green button at the top, watching the TV begin to illuminate while it loaded.

        I focused my attention on the screen as the door was pushed open, heavy metal being moved slowly. Zack stepped through the threshold, keys twisting around his index finger. I bit the inside of my mouth, arms crossed over my chest. I was trying to ignore the burning caused from my tears, clearing my throat quietly.

        "Hey," Zack's voice sounded, turning into the room with a small smile. I tore my gaze away from the boring infomercial, forcing my mouth to turn up in the corners. A dark shadow cast over his face from the light in the hallway.

        "Hi," I croaked softly, speaking. I was thankful for the lack of light in the room and outside, realizing the only light came from the television, giving an awful view of my face. I knew he could tell something was wrong just by the way I answered.

        "What's wrong?" He asked, moving towards me. He walked slowly, taking a seat to my side before twisting his body in my direction. I could see him in my peripherals while I stared at the television, begging in my head for him to just believe my lies for once.

        "I don't know why you bother trying to lie to me, you're terrible at it," he said with a small, half-laugh while he brushed my bangs out of my face. I continued to bit the inside of my cheek, closing my eyes for a moment to hold in the water blurring my vision. I was sick of crying all the time.

        "I'm not," I mumbled quietly, unraveling my arms to crack my knuckles. His hand, which lingered near my neck, touched my jaw, forcing my eyes on him as he turned it. His head tilted to the side, eyes bright against the color of the plasma screen on the wall.

        "Things didn't go well with Craig, did they?" he murmured softly, a frown fixing on his mouth. I licked my lips, shaking my head once. I averted my eyes to the space between our bodies, tears freely flowing now. I watched them fall to the fabric of the suded couch, staining it a dark shade.

        "He doesn't want me around anymore," I whispered softly. I heard Zack let out a breath, hand falling from my chin. He pulled me closer, lifting my legs over his lap. I let him move me willingly closer to his chest, forehead resting in the crook of his neck. I tried to blink away my fuzzy vision, but it wouldn't stop.

        "He's a fucking moron, Ace. He'll realize that he was wrong sooner or later," he tried to comfort me. I knew he hated Craig more than humanly possible, but he was trying to be good to me, and here I was, clearly upset over another guy while my boyfriend was trying to relieve that hurt.

        It almost hurt to know how much better he was than me.

        "I'm sorry," I said in a shaky breath against his skin, shaking my head while pulling from his consoling. He shouldn't have to be talking to me about this, he deserved more than that. "I -- I shouldn't even be upset about this. I don't know why I am anymore, he was a shitty best friend."

        I met his hazel eyes while he gave me a weak smile. "I think we all know he was more than your friend, Laur," he said sotly, lifting his hand, fingers touching under my eyes.

        "What happened didn't mean enough to me to be more than best friends," I said, noticing the way he looked at me. I hated the look in his eyes, the hurt that I knew I couldn't make go away. I was hurting him.

        "Of course it meant something," he offered generously, forcing the biting tone he usually had when talking about Craig. "I get that you're not over him. It's alright to be sad about it."

        "There was nothing to be over in the first place," I whispered, hand touching the side of his jaw. He gave me another small, sad smile, leaning into my touch lovingly. I despised the way I made him feel.

        "Even if I'd rather see him dead than anywhere near you, that doesn't change the fact that you really care about him," He said quietly. "He was the biggest part of your life for six years when I wasn't."

        This was the side of Zack I nonly got to see when he let me. This was the side that could have any conversation in the world, the one I was so comfortable talking to.  This was that didn't give a shit about how stupid or girly he sounded because he knew I wouldn't say anything about it. I loved this side of him, it was always one of his best qualities. At the same time, I wished I didn't have to feel the aching in my heart when he focused on me that way.

        "You know I wish I could change that," I said desperately, my hand moving to his neck. He continued to give me that sanne, sweet, reassuring smile. I didn't want to look into the hazel anymore; I didn't like seeing the pain I caused him.

        "I know," he murmured, hand running up and down my back slowly. He was so caring towards me, so gentle, so absolutely loving and I was still upset over another boy, over another stupid asshole that didn't care half as much about me as Zack did.

        "I love you, you know that, right?" I said so softly that it barely escaped my mouth. He continued to give me his undivided attention and smile, nodding with my words.

        "Yeah, I know. I love you too."

        I leaned forward, lips pressing to his without a second thought. He reacted, mouth moving slowly to mine, continuing to allow me the unmerited attention and affection I shouldn't have ever received from him before.

        In that moment, when he kissed me that way, I knew I could never stand seeing that hurt ever again. I needed to make myself forget about Craig, because Zack deserved more than all of me, and I needed to give him everything I had.