(3) Not the Same: An All Time Low Fanfiction Romance

Chapter 48: Alone

        Sliding into the apartment after my graduation left that same heavy feeling in my chest from the night before. Even if I wished for nothing more than Zack, the guys and Stella to attend my commencement, I couldn't have expected them to come, or even bother to look when Stella invited me into a tight embrace after the ceremony. She kept saying how everyone was proud of me, no dount trying to ease my ashattered heart, but I wasn't listening because I didn't believe her.

        It was the middle of the afternoon, I pried my way out of Stella's plans for the two of us to get a late lunch to celebrate. I was too tired to even bother trying to put a fake smile on my face; nothing could have mad me happy at that point in the day.

        I had my cap in my left hand, red gown draped over my right arm carefully with my purse on my shoulder. I didn't bother to flick on the lights, knowing that the sun was enough light for a least a few more hours.

        I slugged towards the counter, placing my things down on the white tile. I realized after Stella left that my hands hadn't stopped shaking, even when holding them at my sides.

        I ran my fingers through my hair, letting out an uneven breath. I didn't want to be so emotional about this, but it felt like everything that was going right in my life was completely torn away. My best friend hated me, and Zack wanted nothing to do with me. I lost everything because I was too big of a coward to just come out and tell the truth.

        I reached for a glass next to the sink, filling it with water from the tap before bringing it to my lips. I wasn't hungry, or thirsty, but I needed something to occupy my mind, even if it was only rememebering to pull the cup away from my mouth.

        The creaking of the wood floors in the living room was something I've grown accustomed to, but today it was as if they were screaming at me. I'd never heard something so loud in my entire life. The rumbling of the AC against the window pane was an earthquake, shaking my thoughts around in my head.

        My phone vibrated in my pocket, and I let out a small breath, knowing the only person that would be talking to me was Stella. I could beg for Zack or Craig to call or text me, but that wouldn't get me anywhere. They didn't want me anywhere.

        I blinked away the tears in my eyes, feeling my misery get the best of me. I sniffled, pulling out my phone. I slid it open, reading the text from Stella saying how great I looked at graduation and saying that if I still wanted to hang out, she was there.

        I didn't bother responding, not finding anything in me to actually attempt any sort of gratitude. It wasn't because I didn't appreciate it, because I did more than she could ever know. It was the simple fact that I wanted nothing to do with anything at the moment, not even myself.

        I left my things on the counter, gripping the phone in my hands while I wandered to the couch, pulling on the side of my white cotton dress. I was trying to look halfway presentable for the ceremony, and this was the best thing I found before I left so I threw it on.

        I slouched in my seat, fingernails tapping the screen of my phone. There was no school work to do, no work to attend, nothing at all. I had to find a way to cloud my mind, something to do, anything to stop the silence from screaming at me.

        I flipped on the television, staring at the screen. I hadn't turned it on since Craig had been using it last night. He had been watching ESPN, and it made my lungs heavy just at the thought.

        It was funny how just one second, one instant, can ruin your life completely. If I had walked up here by myself, if I hadn't gotten drunk, if I hadn't forgotten, things would have worked out. I could have Craig next to me right now, telling me stories of his summer abroad, and I could be meeting up with Zack later, his mouth on mine as our usual greeting.