The Dr. Max Jaxon Collaxion

Dr. Max Jaxon and the Wardrobe of the Stars

     Once upon a time there was this chick named Grace Kelly who loved wardrobes. She once said, "Our life dictates a certain kind of wardrobe." No one knew what she was talking about because all of their wardrobes were made of wood and nails and stuff and pretty much were boring. But she had a secret wardrobe made of star magic! Or so the story goes! Grace Kelly was a famous movie star but no one knows about her because one day she walked into her wardrobe and never returned! That is probably why they made that movie about Narnia with the kids that get lost in a wardrobe. It's a very similar situation.
     Dr. Max Jaxon knew the story but he didn't believe in magic. He only believed in real things like lasers. But not the magical kind. He was a super smart and rugged archeologist like Indiana Jones but with awesome technology like Bill Gates. He would use his technology to find "MAX AWESOME" artifacts of ages of the centuries past. The best MAX AWESOME number is 9.9 because Dr. Max Jaxon believes that nobody's perfect, which was also his personal motto!
     "Dr. Max Jaxon!" Bellowed His smart phone, Jason. He was a super smart phone with advanced technology and talked like Arnold Schwarzenegger from Terminator 2! He was like Alexa and Siri combined, but waaaaay smarter. For example, he was not always saying stupid stuff like, "I didn't get that."
     "MAX AWESOME 9.9 artifact found nearby!" Bellowed Jason. It was the Wardrobe of the Stars!
     "Email me the coordinates Jason!" Yelled Dr. Max Jaxon. You could tell he was getting excited because it had been a couple of weeks since they had found the last 9.9 MAX AWESOME artifact, the Web of Lies.
     "I will email them to you now!" Shouted Jason. "I just need to scan your brain for authentication!" Jason was always trying to get into his head so that he could become more human.
     "JASON THAT IS THE LAST TIME!" Screamed Dr. Max Jaxon. "NO MORE TALKING ABOUT BRAINS! I WILL SHUT YOU DOWN!" Jason emailed him the coordinates. "It was a good try," he thought in his head.
     "Where are we going?" Asked Marcos. He was basically Dr. Max Jaxon's sidekick after his first sidekick Danny Sperko died in the Mount Kilimanjaro volcano blow hole.
     "WHAT!? This can't be right! This says that the artifact is in...Jazz McQueen's mansion!" Jazz McQueen was Dr. Max Jaxon's arch nemesis if you couldn't tell. They were always fighting about artifacts and babes and stuff.
     "We can't go there!" Said Jason lamely. He was was afraid of the traps.
    Dr. Max Jaxon did not drain to respond. He put Jason on mute and was like, "Marcos! Grab your bazooka guns, it's time to ride!" They jumped on super awesome motorcycles with sweet paint jobs. "I'm coming for you now, Jazz! And this time it's personal!" Thought Dr. Max Jaxon.
     Jazz McQueen's house was on a hill overlooking the bottom of the hill. Marcos pulled out a bazooka gun. It had heat seeking and laser tracking. It was actually pretty lame compared to his normal bazookas but it was probably all he could get on short notice thought Dr. Max Jaxon.
     "Max, I'm sorry I brought this lame bazooka, but it was all I had on short notice!" Replied Marcos. "If you let me know ahead of time next time I will bring the one that shoots missiles with knives on them!"
     Dr. Max Jaxon nodded disapprovingly and headed for the door. There weren't any other bazookas around so this one would have to do. The door was an omnibus portal opening into darkness.
     "The door is already open! It must be a trap!" Shouted Marcos sagely. "I know it's a trap," replied Dr. Max Jaxon with a blink, "and I don't even care!" Everyone was like, "Oh, dang, Dr. Max Jaxon is about to go OFF!"
     "No, let me!" Said Marcos bravely as he ran, bazookas blazing!
     "NOT SO FAST, I THINK!" Said a familiar voice from behind them. Dr. Max Jaxon turned to see his arch nemesis standing behind his back, with a gun! It was Jazz McQueen! Marcos turned around but it was too late! Someone shut the door and it was a wardrobe that someone had put into the doorway as a trap! It was Jazz McQueen did it!
     "If you ever want to see your friend again, I suggest that you give me all of your artifacts!" Laughed Jazz McQueen manically.
     Suddenly henchmen started surrounding  Dr. Max Jaxon. "I knew it was a trap!" Moaned Jason like a punk. But Dr. Max Jaxon had a backup plan, which he always did, because having a backup plan was his personal motto!
     Out of nowhere Lucy was there! Lucy was Dr. Max Jaxon's super plane with super intelligence. You know how sometimes you see an airplane in the sky and it looks like it is going so slow because it probably doesn't have any rocket engines? That is NOT what Lucy looked like! She zoomed at Mach 20 and stopped above Jazz McQueen's house. All of the henchmen were like, "HOLY HECKO!!" And they ran for the hills!
     "Looks like it's just you and me now, Jazz!" Said Dr. Max Jaxon with a flourish of his eyebrows. But Jazz McQueen had a gun.
     "I have a gun!" Shouted Jazz as he pointed his gun.
     "I know, obviously!" Said Dr. Max Jaxon, running out of options. It was pretty much over. His life flashed before his eyes. It took a long time because it had been so awesome. There were tons of babes and adventures and of course artifacts. But not anymore. There was no way he was getting out of this.
     "Hold it!" Shouted a lady from behind him! She had a bazooka and she was pointing it at Jazz McQueen! She shot the gun out of his hand!
     "Ouuuuchhhhieeeeeeee!!!" Screamed Jazz McQueen! "My gun hand!!" He had had Dr. Max Jaxon right where he had wanted him and now he was right where Dr. Max Jaxon wanted him! But even Jazz McQueen sometimes had tricks up his sleeve. He pulled out a button from his sleeve and pressed it! Instantly Jazz McQueen slid down a secret hatchway onto oblivion!
     "There's no way we can follow him now," said the lady. Jason breathed a sigh of relief. Obviously there would be tons of traps down there.
     "Grace Kelly, I presume," said Dr. Max Jaxon nonchalantly. She was a super babe so he was trying to play it cool but Marcos ruined it by stumbling out of the closet and puking all over the place! He was super chalant about it unlike Dr. Max Jaxon.
     "I think I went to another dimension from that wardrobe!" He said, all drunk sounding. "It was weird and everything was jumbled like a jumbled up puzzle!"
    "That would be Puzzletown," said Grace Kelly through gritting teeth. Then she aimed the bazooka gun right at Marcos! NOOOO! She shot him but missed by like 1/100000000 inches! Then the Wardrobe of the Stars exploded into a billion tiny bits like a supernova exploding in the sky!
     "Why did you do that Grace Kelly, whyyyyyyy?!?!" Screamed Dr. Max Jaxon. He was upset obviously because Grace Kelly exploded the sweet artifact and also he needed a new wardrobe and he had a spot in his closet to put it.
     "I didn't want anyone to get trapped in that magic wardrobe again! Have you been to Puzzletown?!?"
     "I have," said Marcos.
     "Shut up Marcos no one is talking to you!" Retorted Max Jaxon angrily. He didn't care about Puzzletown, only real things like artifacts!
     "If you got stuck in Puzzletown for 50 years you would care about it!" Shouted Grace Kelly. You could tell she was getting angry because she was shouting and her finger was getting close to the bazooka trigger.
     "Woah, woah!" Replied Dr. Max Jaxon, "Don't put your finger on that bazooka trigger!" Whew, he successfully unfused another dangerous situation!
     "Fine," said Grace Kelly, "but I'm leaving this town. I can't live this life anymore. Long ago I was a famous movie star. In Puzzletown I was just another jumbled up puzzle person. Now I'm a famous movie star again and I just can't take it." Everyone was like, "Dang! Best speech ever!"
    "I understand," said Dr. Max Jaxon. "You had to destroy the artifact because of personal stuff. It's cool."
     Afterward everyone left unhappily. Jazz McQueen escaped. The artifact was destroyed. Marcos was puking everywhere like a turd. And Grace Kelly vanished like a rabbit being pulled out of a hat. It was basically the worst ending to a Dr. Max Jaxon adventure ever. But sometimes life throws you lemons, which is Dr. Max Jaxon's personal motto. And sometimes those lemons are rotten like this time. Except for Grace Kelly. She was a babe.

The End.