green (woosan soulmate au)

why?

why?

why am i always leading people to their soulmates, yet i still haven't found my own?

walking back to my lonely, frigid apartment from the cafe, this is all i can think.

everyone i like ends up with another. and i always lead them right into each other's arms.

i feel my head and heart beginning to pound to the same rhythm, almost like a song. an intense, overwhelming, suffocating song. bad music. that's all i can describe it as. bad, bad music. very bad music.

i duck into an alley, trying to escape the crowded sidewalk. my breathing becomes ragged and i can hardly hold myself up. i crouch down, putting my head between my knees and practicing every anxiety attack prevention method i know. i breathe in five seconds, hold five seconds, breathe out five seconds. i count five things i can see, four things i can hear, three things i can touch, two things i can smell, one thing i can taste. birds, buildings, people, the sky, clouds. car horns honking, phones ringing, people talking, a dog barking. the ground, my jeans, my hair. pizza and trash from a dumpster nearby. blood. i bit my lip so hard i can taste blood.

my lip hurts, but i can breathe, again. my heart has slowed and the throbbing pain in my head has reduced to a dull ache. i pull myself together, standing back up and making my way back out to the crowded street. i keep my head down, putting my airpods in and turning on my 'dean' playlist. breathe, san. breathe.

you are alive. and you will find your soulmate, one day. they are out there. they are close by.

i can feel them.

a/n - short chapter, but i updated yesterday too... i figured maybe some back to back updates would possibly make up for the weird break i had in writing? anyways, we are now building up to a major event... wait and see what happens! i hope y'all are liking the story so far! i got a lot of plans that i'm just itching to set in motion! thank y'all for reading!