A Galaxy Apart

Miss You

The next day Jack wakes up in a half dark room only in his underwear while his coat hangs over a chair and the rest of his clothes lie wildly spread across the floor. As he rolls to his side he finds a smaller man with brownish hair and characteristic cheekbones right next to him in bed. Half naked he lies on his back still asleep. However, it's not what it all looks like Jack remembers as he turns over to see John asleep next to him. He sighs and crawls out of bed to get dressed.
"You already leaving?" a tired voice says from underneath the blanket.
"Hm? No...not yet. Just getting dressed."
"Why? You don't want to go anywhere wihtout me hm?" John chuckles quietly.
"No, John. Go back to sleep." Jack says being already half dressed in his trousers and white shirt.
But John sits up and watches him. There was a certain glance in his eyes, something between suspicion and...Jack couldn't tell. John titls his head and gets up.
"Why are you here, Jack?"
"What do you mean?"
"Well, the chances to meet your ex in all of time and space are quite low. Very low. You were looking for me, and I wonder why"
"And even if, would it bother you?"
John sighs and stands now in front of Jack. He puts his hand on Jack's shoulder and looks down.
"Jack, you've just lost your partner and now you crawl up to me? Oh come on. I'm not stupid, you want something from me and I'm sure it's not just sex" John's eyes are now fixed on Jack, his glance however is softer and more interested than cold.

"John", Jack sighs "I... I do indeed want something from you. I wanted something from you but now..." he shakes his head.
"Now?" John insists.
"I was never able to tell Ianto that I love...loved him. I just didn't get those three words across my lips and I hate myself so much for it. I'm hating myself, John. I always did but now it's worse. So much worse. I lost them all. Tosh, Owen and Ianto. I have no one except from Gwen....and you. I...I wanted to see you. At least the one person who still has a place in my heart. At least I still have you."
John looks down again, a bit of sentiment in his eyes.

"Jack...I...I still love you...somehow. I still want to think of myself as your partner. But I can't because your heart..." he looks up and places his hand on Jack's chest where his heart is "still belongs mainly to a man who's dead. Being with you makes me think of the good old times. You and me, wild and free, at the agency. Promised to be partners and look how it ended. I was too brutal. It was always you who tried to get me under control because I am and always will be a criminal and a brutal man. And I don't want to hurt you. The last time I did and I still regret it "
"But it wasn't all your fault, John"

"I know. But our love would be physical, wild...and only partly romantic. It will never be that what you had with Ianto and I could never keep up with this and you know it."
Jack has to think for a moment. John's words hurt but he knew he was right. He is so desperately looking for someone who he could be with. Someone who would accept him the way he is. And that was John right now...but it couldn't be like Ianto's soft words. His understanding for him.

"Jack, I want to help you. Jesus, you're still someone who I want. A better man than me but I am not the right person to get you out of this grief. Because you have to get out of there yourself."

"Since when are you so wise?" Jack tries to chuckle as he doesn't like the topic.
"Since I wanted to steal something from the Greek academy and had a lovely chat with Aristotle."
"Oh shut up"
"I did" John laughs faintly but cups Jack's face with his hand. "but I also talk out of my own experience...Jack please, I want you to get out of this misery but it will take time. The wound is deep. The pain is insufferable and your heart is broken...and I am not the one to fix it. Because mine is just ad teared apart as yours. And I've learned to live with it. And some day you will too"

Jack stays quiet, just staring while his head is full of memories and the pain and grief comes up again in his chest. John sighs and hugs him as like he knew how much Jack needed this right now. And Jack almost brakes down into his embrace holding him tightly as like he was afraid of loosing him too.
"Jack... I'm not immortal, and I don't want to be but I want you to know that you can just come to me...in case that you hopefully will find me."
"I wished we could live through the good old times together again. Even the horrible time loop" Jack chuckles quietly...before John notices that it turned into a quiet sobbing into his shoulder. He runs softly with his hand through his hair.
"Me too Jack. Me too...if I could I'd live through it again. And I wish I could stay with you. I really want to. But some day... I will leave too"
"I don't want to lose you too...I can't bear this...I don't want to live without anyone who I love"
"You can bear this. You're strong. Stronger than you know. You were always the braver one of us...and the more emotional one. The passionate one and I loved you for that. You will find love again. I know you will."

"You don't know how it is. You're burdoned with this curse of immortality and yet you have this dilemma: should I stay alone to not get attached or love someone and know that my heart will be broken...until one day my heart is shattered into pieces and nothing will be left. No love. Nothing"
"That's Bullshit, Jack, and you know it. You can't choose falling in love or not. It happens and your heart will never be so broken that you can't love again. Because you will. Look...you were here to get something and I'll give it to you. Tell me what it is and we'll make a deal about it. And then you go and get your job done...and then one day you can come back to me when you've fixed yourself. And then we can go on if you want."
Jack nods nur keeps sobbing into his shoulder...his thoughts are chaotic, the pain burns in his chest and he can barely hold onto John. After a few minutes he pulls away and looks up at John.
"You're right" he says quietly. "I get this done now... I uhm... I was looking for a thing"
"Wow a thing. You must be a bit more specific" John chuckles.
"Oh shush" Jack laughs a bit "it was a devise. Looking like a cube with runes on the sides.  Dark grey, like 10 centimeters big. On the inside was a necklace"
John smirks slightly "well too bad, Captain. I sold it three days ago."
"You know to whom?"
"Of  course. A guy from...Alpha centauri I think. His name was James Lannister. I heard about him...he's sort of a criminal but nothing big."
"Do you even know what you sold there?"
John shrugs "thought it was an artifact. I had no use for it...so I sold it. Got good money for it."
Jack nods "alright."
"Do you know what it actually is?"
"Yeah. Apparently a device that might help you to read other people's thoughts. When you wear the necklace you can read other people's emotions"
"Sh*t. I wish I'd known that earlier. Could have used that" John groans quietly.
Jack rolls his eyes "you know where he vent?"
"Oh yeah... New Vegas" he smirks. "God the good old times as we were there"
"Yeah... I do. John... I should go. Find it and then...maybe then I'll come back."
John hesitates but nods. "Yeah, you have to go. But I want something for my help, Jack"
"And that would be?"
"A drink with me and a vivid night" John smirks.
"God you will never change will you?" Jack laughs.
"Never, Jack. I am a constant that will never change. But I'll miss you, Captain"
"So will I, Captain" both smile at each other for a moment and a melancholic silence fills the room.
A little smile appears on Jack's face and he comes closer to kiss John softly. Closing his eyes he melts into the kiss one last time before he pulls away "thank you, John."
"Of course. Partners"
"Partners" Jack says while putting on his coat and typing some coordinates into his VM. He looks up at John and smiles sadly as it hurts to leave someone behind again, especially someone who he still had feelings for.
John nods at him "go. Get your job done. And don't do anything stupid without me"
"Never would" he says and presses the button on his VM and disappears. John stands in front of the empty space where his ex just stood one moment before. A sad smile appears on his face as he thinks back and murmurs "Captain Jack Harkness...I will miss you"

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I'm sorry I didn't write anything lately, I was quite busy but I'll try my best to keep writing. <3