And Peggy

Look at where we are

I glance into the mirror. The grim reaper stares back at me.
I'm my black corseted dress falls right to my shoes. My hair is hidden by a black veil. All make up washed away, (it will be ruined with the tears that will surely pour down my face) my face looks pale apart from my blotchy eyes.

Someone taps softly at the door.
"Mademoiselles, eet is time."

It's Lafayette. He's been amazing throughout all this. The whole family is shattered, including Hannah, at the loss of Phillip. Alex and Eliza lost a son. Angelica and I lost a nephew. Kitty and Phillip (Angelica's children) lost a cousin. Mother and father lost their first grandchild. Lafayette just lost his best friend's kid. He's been keeping the house (and the family) running. He stokes the fire, calls us down for meals. He handled most of the funeral paperwork (after asking Alex and Eliza what they wanted to do with the body first) except for the signatures.

The family is still mourning too much to think about how and why he was shot but it's in the back of everyones mind.
It's Alexander's fault. He led his son to his death. Phillip was defending his father's mistakes and it cost him his life.
Nevertheless, Alex is staying with us for the moment. He and Lafayette both occupy separate guest rooms while Eliza is sleeping in our room with Angelica and I although, occasionally, when she thinks we're asleep, we hear her sneaking out of the room, no doubt to seek comfort from her fiancé. Whether she has forgiven him or not, I don't know, but I know that I haven't.

As I leave the room, I glower at the retreating back of Hamilton as he too, makes his way to the living room.

"Leave him, he's not worth it." Angelica says behind me. But her teeth are clenched.

The living room has turned into a garden, filled with flowers of all colours from friends, family and sympathisers. Phillip's coffin is already at the church. Once mother and father come downstairs, we parade, single file out the door, piling into the various carriages. The ride to the church is silent apart from Eliza's sobs and the tension in the air is thick and suffocating.

On arrival, we walk straight through to the church. The gleaming white coffin sits on a platform, surrounded by lavender, baby's breath, aster and sedum. Eliza gives a heavy sob when she catches sight of the display.

Once everyone has assembled inside, the funeral director stands at the lectern, and his big booming voice echos throughout the walls.

"Welcome everyone to the celebration of the life of Phillip Schuyler Hamilton. Phillip was an intelligent, lively young man whose life was cut short by a bullet. I would like to welcome Phillip's parents, friends and other family. We will now hear from Phillip's mother, Elizabeth Schuyler Hamilton.

Slowly, with trembling knees, Eliza approaches the lectern, handkerchief clutched tightly in hand.
"My first memory of Phillip was when he first opened his eyes. We were in the carriage home from the hospital and he was wrapped up on my lap. We- we went over a bump in the road and the whole carriage shook. baby Phillip's eyes opened briefly and I swear, he winked. Then his eyes closed again for the time being.

"My last memory of- of my son" Eliza stammers, "was when he was on a hospital bed, taking his last breaths," she gulps and takes a few shuddering breaths. "Even on his death bed, he still tried to assure me it would be alright and expressed his remorse for his actions. Then, on his last breath, he winked at me before falling into his forever sleep.
My son was not a violent man. But he was proud and compassionate which led him to his actions." Eliza's voice becomes shrill as she says this then a fresh wave of tears come and she can't go on so she takes her seat.