And Peggy

A gift of courage

I slide down the door, listening for signs of Eliza's presence. I hear a sigh and a knocking noise as Eliza presses her head to the door.
"I'm sorry you feel that way," she whispers and then I hear footsteps leading away from the door.
When she is downstairs, I can hear muffled conversation as mother and father question Eliza. They'll probably come up and talk to me sometime in the next few hours. Scold me for my....scolding?
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, It has been four days since my spat with Eliza. To my surprise, mother and father leave me alone. Now that Eliza is here, I'm not important or worth their time. Occasionally they go out and the house is empty apart from Hannah and Amelia who don't bother me if I come downstairs for mail, food or paper.

Sometimes Eliza sits outside the door of our bedroom. She doesn't say anything but I can hear her breathing and occasional sniffle. We've never fought like that before and it's taken it's toll on gentle, kind Eliza.

I know I shouldn't have yelled at her. It's not her fault that John is dead or that she has nice things in life. But I'm too stubborn and proud to talk to her. I would confide in Angelica but she would probably take Eliza's side anyway. The two of them always had a bond that I was just the third wheel of. I am no longer just staying in my room to mourn John, I am avoiding my family and reality. Everyday you hear of more families, devastated at the loss of their loved ones, having to move or close shop.

In other news, finally there is change to how the country is run. The first murder trial to prove that Levi Weeks was innocent of murdering his girlfriend. There is now talk of a new constitution and government for our new nation.

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As I am writing a letter to Penny and Eden, (my only understanding friends) I hear a squeal from downstairs. I can hear Eliza laughing and yelling and running around the house. I didn't need to go downstairs to know what was going on because soon Eliza was screaming (to mother and father):
"ALEX GOT PROMOTED! HE'S NOW TREASURER OF STATE!"
Among my jealousy, frustration and envy I feel for my sister, I can't help being proud and happy for her.
I add Eliza's exciting news to my letter and seal it before signing my name and shoving it through the door where someone will pick it up  on the way past.
I open my window to hear the voices of mother, father and Eliza floating through as they celebrate Alex's promotion with high tea in the rotunda. I yearn to be down there with them with fresh food, good company and happiness. Instead, I sit up here alone and depressed with nothing but cold stale meals.
The smell of Amelia' famous passion fruit sponge cake wafts up my nose and my stomach instantly growls.
As if reading my thoughts, Hannah climbs upstairs with a caramel tart and a honey joy.

Of all the people in my family, Hannah and Amelia are the only ones who I truly like and trust. They are so kind and understanding and still treat me nicely when I am at my moodiest.

As Hannah brings the food in, I smiled at her and say:
"Hannah, you are a saint!"
As I accept the food I notice a letter that sits to the side of the plate. There is a small bulge in the envelope. When Hannah notices my eyes dawn to it, she says:
"Yes, that came with the mail this morning. From a secret admirer perhaps?"
She wiggles her eyebrows at me jokingly and I laugh.
"No, it's from.....John's father." I read the address.
"Ah, ok. Well I'll leave you to your sweet treats and letter then."
And with that she leaves, closing the door behind her.
As I munch on the caramel tart, I open the letter and examine it.
"Dear Margarita
Thank you for your letter of sympathy and concern. I can tell that you loved my son very much and he, you.
A few days ago my son's will was discovered. In it he left a certain item of jewelry to you. I can only assume that he hoped to give it to you under different circumstances. Nevertheless here it is. Use it well.
I will be honoured to accept you as my daughter.
Cordially
Henry Laurens"

"I will be honoured to accept you as my daughter."
But does that mean......
I open the small box and my breath is taken away.
Sitting in a piece of styrofoam, the most beautiful engagement ring I've ever seen.
On top of the gold ring sit two gems, a sapphire and a pink tourmaline. John's and mine birthstones. To signify our unity.

John was going to propose to me. Kind, funny, brave John. A new wave of tears comes to me and I realise what I have to do.
John wouldn't want me to spend the rest of my life in mourning with no one to talk to or love. He wouldn't want me to be sad and angry for the rest of my life.
I slide the ring onto my middle finger on my left hand, open the bedroom door and tread downstairs. The house is silent apart from Hannah's broom on the floor.
I push open the back door and pause. Am I really ready to forgive them for the grief they gave me?
Then, John's smiling face floats in my mind and I walk across the lawn.

When I open the rotunda door with a bang, the chatter and laughter stops. Fathers smile fades into a straight line, Mother is determinedly looking everywhere but at me, Eliza has suddenly become very interested in her cake.

I twist the ring on my finger nervously. Then I take a step forward and start talking.

"I was unfair to you all. I blamed all my sorrow on you and I am truly sorry. The truth is, I was still in denial about John's death and I was angry about everything. John was my whole life and to lose him was truly horrible but it was not your faults and I had no right to lash out at you like I did. I was a-a......"

"A selfish, moody, isolating brat?" Eliza suggests.
I nod and gulp.
"Yes. I was."
Eliza smiles.
"Well you can't say it fairer than that!"
Then she gets up, spreads her arms wide and embraces me. I hug her back and soon mother and father get up to join our family hug. Then we continue with our high tea, finally a family again.
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They say that there are five stages of grief. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Finally, after much suffering, I am at peace with John. I have reached the fifth stage. Acceptance.

Hey guys thank you for reading that chapter. We are at 200 reads now which may seem like nothing but for me it is pretty good. Also a warning in advance I may include some large time skips of a few years in some chapters just because I don't want to go into detail about the rest of Peggy's life. I have also decided that I'm not going to kill her off. She will live to the end of the events of Hamilton. Just thought you should know.
THANKYOU
Cocolocosam 🐔😊