I'm a Loser (ON HOLD)

Chapter 23

Till a certain age surprises are acceptable and appreciated, or at least acceptable when a person knows your areas of interest. But when a surprise is forced on you, especially in an area that contradicts your personality, you are surely bound to rebel. Or in my case, become grumpy like the Grinch.

"I can't believe, out of all the places you could possibly think of, you brought me here." Arms folded across my chest, and eyes burning with fury, I huff.

"Huh, what?! I can't hear you. The music's too loud." Jumping along to the blaring music next to me, Lucas yells.

"Fuck. You!" I mutter to myself before I turn away to leave, only to be met with sweaty, hormonal teenage bodies, grinding and sticking together like the molecules of a solid. I don't mean to get scientific, but trust me when I say, there is barely enough room to breathe on the dance floor.

Now, I know you're wondering why am I being such a party pooper in literal sense. Well, let me give you a little insight. When I was younger, insecurities wasn't a word in my dictionary and I was the epitome of a social butterfly. Making friends was a piece of cake, attending little kids parties and actually enjoying them was a cake walk, and popularity was second skin for me. Zufra often wondered how I was such a perfect extrovert while she always hid in my shadow because she hated people.

Then I hit my teen years and the fun of life got sucked out of me. Tables turned and I became the awkward introvert while Zufra flourished into a beautiful socialite. A new section of my brain called insecurities unlocked to control the rest of my actions and my life took a three-sixty-degree turn. Now, besides a handful of people, I hate making friends. Sometimes, I find the few friends I have exhausting. Parties and socializing became a distant memory and also a hated hobby. At present, I just hate going out in general. I feel safe and happy in my own little private bubble I have created for myself.

Do I miss my past? Yes. Do I prohibit myself from having a good time because of my monetary issues? Yes. Do I avoid getting out of the house because I am lazy? Yes. Am I proud of the person I have become? Absolutely not. But do I care? Hell nah!

The finest and memorable parts of my personality, behavior and life were left behind in New York, and only my nastiest parts came along with me to California.

Sometimes, I sit and wish I were a different person. More social, out-going, and adventurous, but it all seems to energy and time consuming. And let's face it, when you put in efforts, you are bound to have expectations, and when there are expectations, inevitably there is going to be disappointment.

And frankly speaking, between my jobs and school, the little time I get, I would like to spend it procrastinating or at least on myself rather than socializing. I am happy that way. I guess.

But of course, for Lucas my plans, schedule and tantrums were just magically snapped out of existence. Idiot! When he came over, all I had to do was inform him that I was busy and he would've left. But no! I had to be the hospitable well-raised daughter, invite him inside and tell him I had absolutely no plans, just so that he could drag me to a stupid party I wasn't invited to and neither I will enjoy. You treat people with kindness and then it comes to bite you in the ass. Great!

Pushing through the dancing drunken bodies, I make my way to the large kitchen adjacent to the dance floor, lean against the kitchen island and exhale a breath of relief. The kitchen is scarcely populated with a two people hydrating themselves and a couple making out in the corner. I barely enjoy my thirty seconds of peace before I hear someone panting next to me.

"Okay... I'm going to be honest with you... You... are a totally... Oww muscle cramp... Buzzkill!" Leaning over, Lucas holds his side as he pants out words.