I'm a Loser (ON HOLD)

Chapter 1

Staring at the bright television screen for four hours in the dark living room, I slowly feel the weight on my eye lids increase with each second passing by. I rub my bloodshot eyes to drive away the sleepiness.

Through my peripheral vision, I sense movement in the dark kitchen behind me, but choose to ignore it. Staying up late at night, and lack of sleep often leads to my mind going into over drive and playing tricks on me, making me believe that there is a malevolent being, waiting for the right time to capture my soul.

"Sky. It's three in the morning. Why don't you get some sleep?" I jolt in reaction to my mother's voice startling me. I place my hand on my chest as I try to calm the hammering of my fragile heart against my chest.

"Mom! Warn the girl." I sigh in relief as my mother chuckles lightly. I switch the television off, and the room is now only illuminated by the flashlight on my phone.

"It's a school night Sky. We have talked about this. You need to get some rest." Mother politely reminds me, to which I just roll my eyes, "I know, and I get the sleep I need. I wasn't really sleepy today." or ever.

It's not that I don't get sleep or I have insomnia, it's just that I have reasons due to which I can't afford to sleep, reasons my mother won't understand.

Suddenly, I feel my petite mother snake her arms around my torso and mumble into my back, "Sky! I know something is up with you. You don't act normal. You're always staying up late, you don't socialize much, you go to school, then work, then back home, and that's it. You don't enjoy your teen years. It's like you're just existing, not living."

I'm shocked to see how accurately my mother managed to sum up the past four years of my life, but I don't really want to have this conversation with her right now. Or ever.

"Mom! Don't worry about me. I am absolutely fine. I love being this way. At least I don't have to deal with the bitches and snakes out there. Besides, I don't think our financial conditions permit me to having any fun. I have you, a roof over my head, clothes to cover me and food to eat. What more could I ask for? I am happy." I try assuring my mother. Wow! I have become a skilled liar.

Truth is, I am not happy with the life I am living, I am miserable. Quoting what mother said, I am just existing not living. I hate what I have become and where my life has brought me. I just don't want to put another burden on my mother by accepting the fact that I hate my life.

"Sky, you know you can always talk to me, right? I am always here for you." My mother calmly reminds me.

Oh mom! If only it were that easy for kids to speak to their non-judgmental, over-reactive parents, the world would be a different place.

"I know mom. I'm fine. Why don't you go get some sleep?" I turn to face my mother, and gently kiss her goodnight on the cheek, and she nods walking away.

I watch her disappear from my view, up the stair case, and I wait till, I hear the sound of the door shutting.

I turn around facing the dark living room, scanning the room with the flashlight to check if I haven't left anything on. Save electricity kids.

I slowly trudge up the stairs, with my heavy eyelids, throbbing head and heavy yet padded footsteps, to my room.

When my fingertips come in contact with the cold, metal, handle of my bedroom door, I feel a chill run down my spine and find my body immediately yearning for a source of warmth.

I enter my room in a rush, but cautious enough to not make any sound while shutting the door and locking it. I immediately race to my closet, and frantically search for the brown fleece blanket my father had gifted me one year, for Christmas.

Upon finding it, I wrap it around me out of sheer desperation and I feel warmth spread throughout my body, just like how when my dad used to give me one of his protective bear hugs.

I walk towards the bedroom door wrapped in the blanket, resting my back on the wood, slowly sinking to the ground, I bring my knees to my chest, resting my forehead on them and sob my heart out.

I let all the pent-up emotions out, hoping this to be the last night I weep, but I know deep down, my misery is not going to end soon. I cry into my knees so that no one hears my muffled cries through the thin walls of my room.

Nothing about this is new, it's just my daily routine.

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Voila! First chapter! Hope you readers like it.

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