Cordelia Goode x Reader- Instead

Choose me instead

The next few weeks you have coped with this situation in your own way and that is avoiding. You tried avoiding the actual problem, how to just let them and your past go. Once and for all making peace with Cordelia and it's not like you don't how or that you are too scared to do so. Whenever a situation like this happens where a lot of emotions are coming your way and you are supposed to cope and accept fate, you do the exact opposite and so for the past two weeks you have been trying to work on a way to change everything and never leave the coven. You know by doing so you can be part of Cordelia's life again and although she would be with Hank you could be there for her when everything breaks and crumbles around her and you can try and change some situations and maybe even get to say goodbye to Myrtle if not change her destiny. The only problem is that it's not easy because like Cordelia mentioned before travelling back in time can mess up a lot of things in the world and in the life's of the people who are part of the time travel so you have to do and approach this the right way. The first few nights after you came back from New Orleans you spent them at the library and finding books about witchcraft in the real world is quite complicated but you know your way around and you managed to find the necessary books and you have been in your apartment and you haven't left your house once. Your place looks a bit of a mess with books on the floor everywhere, of where you have sat the past few nights with only a little lamp as a light source. Drinking, sleeping or eating wasn't a choice so far because you need success first and finding the right spell and the right way to go about this. Cordelia has once again taken over your life and clouded your mind and the voice in your head told you to stop many times and either go back to the coven and sort things out with her or just forget about her but you know those things aren't an option because you could never forget the blonde witch. ''Damn it'' you shout in frustration and throw the book across the room because nothing seems to work, the only spells are dark ones and you could never risk anyone's safety at the coven and so you curl up on the floor with tears streaming down your face in frustration about this whole situation. Meanwhile at the coven Coco has tried to reach out to you a few times after you just left the other week but she couldn't reach you. In the end she got worried and approached Zoe and her and Queenie also tried to reach you but no luck so they started to worry and in the end they did the only thing they could think of which is talk to Cordelia. When they told the supreme her smile immediately dropped and both of the girls could see the worry in her eyes. The supreme also tried reaching you a few times but after you didn't answer she decided it's best to make her way to you because she has been wanting to speak to you anyway but give you some time. So in the end she asked Coco for your adress and she didn't even hesitate because she also worries about you. It took her a few days to make arrangements and she made sure that Queenie and Zoe have everything they need and that they are capable of taking care of the coven for a few days. It was her overreacting because the two witches have often looked after the witches and Coven when Cordelia was on council meetings before but the supreme can't help and worry after everything that happened in the academy over the past few years. Currently the supreme is on her way to you, she decided to take a train because it might be easier and she hates traffic and driving in general. As the train departures she worries about her girls and the academy but her thoughts quickly wander to you and the concern for you. Her own anxiety is creeping up on her as she keeps thinking maybe you are just working or busy or with a girlfriend or someone but at the same time she knows you wouldn't ignore all of their calls on purpose so something must be up. The supreme watches the trees and landscapes and it doesn't take long for her to arrive. Her being the most powerful witch on earth she doesn't need google maps or anything to find your apartment, she simply finds it based on her magic and instincts without ever being in this city before. 

She finally finds your apartment after a while and as she walks up the stairs she is a bit nervous to knock on the door. Meanwhile you are even more frustrated with yourself as nothing you do seems to be working and there seems no way around this time travelling spell without risking everyone's life's and futures. Whenever you are frustrated you throw things or scream in frustration and so currently you are throwing book after book across the room hoping it would get rid of some of your feelings. Cordelia takes a deep breath before ringing the doorbell to your apartment and you jump a little not expecting anyone by your door and as you compose yourself and walk to it you think it might be the post or your landlord but when you fling the door open and suddenly see a very familiar blonde witch that you really don't want to see, you freeze on the spot unable to say anything or react. Your eyes are simply focused on her and she gives you a little smile but her face is full of concern. ''Hey Y/N I am so sorry to interrupt but I called a few times and I um was wondering if I could speak to you?'' she says in a soft voice and you stand there for a few seconds not even moving as if you are frozen on the spot but your mind screams at you to answer her so you simply answer ''Yes um- come inside'' and you wish you would have tidied your apartment now knowing she is here. Thankfully it is clean and tidy apart from the floor full of books about magic and your handwritten notes about turning back time and you can't really ask her into any other room because your living room is the only place to sit. ''I'm sorry about the mess'' you apologize and you quickly grab all of the things and move them into the kitchen but as you walk past Cordelia, she sees the notes and books and she is curious as to what you were doing or studying as it seems. ''Did I interrupt you studying something?'' she asks curiously but you shake your head and simply answer ''Oh not really, just some uni work don't worry'' but she always knows whenever you are lying and right now is one of those times. ''Can I offer you a drink?'' you ask trying to be polite and she looks up to meet your eyes again and you could melt on the spot because she just causes that kind of reaction in you. ''No thank you Y/N'' she answers politely and you take a seat across from her feeling a bit nervous being under her gaze. Cordelia clears her throat and by her posture you can tell she is feeling uncomfortable right now. ''So basically we were all worried about you after you left the coven and Coco and the girls tried reaching out a few of times and yeah in the end I'm here'' she explains and places her hands in her lap and you can see the tension leaving her a little bit after saying those words. ''I appreciate your concern Cordelia but I'm fine really'' you reply and try to fake smile in an effort to also convince yourself of that. ''Are you - sure?'' she asks and you can hear the hesitation in her voice and her brown eyes darting yours and you feel a familiar pain in your chest. The pain of being around Cordelia, seeing her this strong and what seems to be a happy woman and you just an emotional mess and wreck that can't get over the person currently sitting across you. Some tears build up but you try for them to not fill your eyes or roll down your cheek because you need to remain strong so she wouldn't suspect anything. ''I'm fine Dee'' you say out of a habit but the way your voice cracked gave it away to both you and Cordelia. ''Excuse me a second please'' you say and you get up and walk towards your balcony because you need some fresh air. Part of you feels bad for letting her sit there and wait but it's emotionally draining sitting in the same room as the woman who chose another man to be with her and basically drove you away from your home and family. At the same time you feel all the pain from learning about Myrtle's and the other witches passing and all the things that have happened and the frustration about the spell not working.