Almond (ONC2021)

Chapter 4 - The Silence of the Squirrels

"So, let me get this straight," Paul said as he stirred his coffee. "After we left, you called the police to report that someone stole Santa Bear's clothes?"

"You know the entire police department thinks you're a teddy bear rapist, right?" Eric phrased it like a question, but it was more of a statement. "They'll have a file on you now. Whenever there's a stuffed animal crime committed, they'll come knocking on your door first."

"Or..." Paul interjected with slightly more optimism, "they'll come to you for advice when they want to get inside the mind of a real demented lunatic. Like when the FBI goes to Hannibal Lector for clues on how to catch a serial killer. Have the stuffed lambs stopped screaming yet, Max?"

I wasn't exactly sure why I had texted these two about last night. I supposed that, with Beth out of town, I was just desperate to tell someone, anyone, about the craziness I was experiencing. In retrospect, this pair should not have been included within my generalized anyone. But the damage was done. Here they were and I had already relayed every detail of the almond related chicanery to them.

"There's no way his clothes just disappeared," I defended myself. "I found the scissors. And it definitely happened after you two had left."

"Look, we all know you hate Santa Bear. You probably had too many drinks last night and don't remember venting your weirdly misguided rage out on it," Paul said.

Eric shook his head. "I disagree."

For a moment I wanted to thank Eric for standing up for me, but I knew there was still a dig coming. I crossed my arms and waited for it.

"I don't think Max would so convincingly win a drunken brawl with a teddy bear." Dig completed, Eric sat back smugly in his chair.

I pulled the almond note from my pocket and set it on the counter. "What about this? The number changed on it. I swear it did."

Paul studied the note with a series of squints of alternating widths. "It does say ninety-eight. I don't think it'll replace six-six-six in the Satanic vernacular anytime soon, but it does have a certain je ne sais quoi to it."

Eric gave it barely a cursory glance. "Creepiest little note I've ever seen."

I had to admit that looking at all my pieces of evidence individually didn't paint the scariest of pictures. "What about the almonds in the Christmas boxes? Or the ornaments? There's no way that Beth would have had time for all that."

Suddenly Paul slapped his hand on the counter, his face brightening with some kind of eureka moment. "The squirrels!"

"The squirrels?"

"Yeah. Aren't you still feuding with the squirrels in the attic? They've found a way in and they're storing nuts around your house for the winter."

I wanted to spit some sarcasm his way, but the reality was his theory was better than my theory since mine didn't exist. "But how does that account for Santa Bear?"

"It doesn't. Not. One. Bit." He tapped his finger hard on the counter with each word.

Now Eric had an idea. "I bet it's a combination of squirrels and Beth. She sets up this weird, seemingly pointless scavenger hunt by hiding almonds all over the place. This, in turn, attracts the squirrels...who then assault the teddy bear...and write notes..." his voice lost some steam at the end until it trailed away completely.

I sighed. While his idea was at the very least plausible, I still didn't understand how the rodents could run around the house without my noticing. At times, they made a hell of a racket in the attic, scrambling up the beams and in the gutters. There's no way they could zip around on the hard wood floors and not have me hear them.