Sander and Robbe, Minute by Minute

We are The Future

On Monday evening, when Sander was doing homework for his photography class, Robbe contacted him again. It was a call this time. Sander stared at his screen and let the phone rang into silence. The edge of his anger and ache had lessen a bit but he couldn't risked himself to get hurt that bad again. When the phone rang again, he rejected the call. He thought of just blocking him, but it seemed petty. And he could not find it in him, to cut him off completely. Robbe took the hint and stopped calling after that.

*

It was the life drawing session, the last class today. Sander moved his hand along the page, adding shades with his charcoal; his eyes glanced alternately between his drawing and the male model in the center of the studio. He had mapped out the rough overall shapes, the balance of proportion and angle looked good to him. He studied the expression of the model's body, the shadow that fell on him, and added more details. Their art teacher was walking around the room, stopping periodically; giving critics and suggestions. The bell rang and everyone started to pack up their tools and bags.

Sander was walking out of class, thanking the model and asking some questions, when someone called his name. He turned and there was Robbe; standing in the hall, looking at him with a smile on his face. Sander can not believed the nerve, he turned and started walking away.

"Sander!" Robbe called him again and touched his shoulder to turn him around. A light shiver passed through him and he hated himself for that.

"Can we talk for a second?"

The dull ache and anger flared up anew, he felt stabbed through his heart again and again. Sander let his anger coursed through his blood and overwhelmed the pain. Part of him wanted to yell at him, but he could not. So, he didn't say anything, and just glared at him.

"Please?" Robbe pleaded softly.

Robbe's hand was still on his arm. That touch, that voice; and it hit him at that moment how much he had missed them. He could felt the longing started pulling him to Robbe. But the accusation rang again in his head. He clenched his jaw tightly and swallowed hard. He looked at him, and before his resolve crumbled any further, he turned and walked away. He didn't turn back and just kept walking. His heart was beating fast and emotions churned in him. He could not focus on any of them. Finding an empty class, he walked in and leaned on the wall; trying to compose himself. Minutes passed and he made a decision.

He walked out and went towards the bicycle lot. He found Robbe in the lot; trying to unlock his bike, cursing and half-heaving the bike exasperately. He stopped from a distance behind him, watching him; trying not to laugh.

Keeping a straight face, he said tonelessly, "You've got five minutes."

Robbe turned to him, "Why don't you want to talk to me?"

Is he fucking serious? The anger bubbled up again. He replied, "What is there to talk about? Did you forget what you say to me?"

"Sorry. Okay? I am sorry."

Sander glared at him and stayed silent.

Robbe said again in a soft, timid voice, "I really like you."

Sander snorted, "And so you shit all over me?"

Robbe looked defeated. He said, with a tremor in his voice, "That was fucked up—I know that. I was fucked up."

He fell silent and Sander waited, holding his emotions in.

"But you— you're the first guy I've... And that kiss was so.." Seeming to not found the word, Robbe made a mindblowing gesture, complete with the sound.

Sander almost lost his grip at the adorable way he did that or the fact that Sander had affected him that much. He could felt a smile started to creep on his face and he quickly glanced down. He looked up again.

Looking down, Robbe sighed. "But afterwards, it was immediately full-on Chernobyl in my head."

"Look.." Robbe's voice shook and he trailed off. He took a wavering breath and resumed, "I got that I fucked up. And I am sorry."

Sander looked at him and felt his resolve crumbling. Robbe did look awful, there were dark circles under his eyes. He looked vulnerable. The sincerity in his voice and his eyes were genuine. And Sander understood what it was like to fuck things up when you were scared. The hurt that you caused, the people that you lost. To have a Chernobyl in your head.

"But please, just give me one more chance," Robbe pleaded softly. He fell silent then, and looked at him sadly, hopefully.

Sander stared at him and he realised then, that he always knew Robbe's heart. He walked slowly to him and watched how he reacted. He didn't want to be pushed away again. He stopped close, right in front of him, watching Robbe's eyes moved down to his lips and back to his eyes. Sander felt the flutterings in his stomach and he leaned in. But he stopped, and pulled his head back a bit. He needed to be sure, and he wanted to tease him a little.

He asked, "What about Chernobyl then?" He looked into his eyes.

Robbe answered, "Fuck Chernobyl."

Sander smiled and repeated, "Fuck Chernobyl."

He kissed him once and watched Robbe's reaction. And Robbe smiled a soft smile with his eyes closed, he sighed. Sander closed in then, and kissed him eagerly, passionately. Robbe wrapped one arm around his shoulder, the other was on his neck and kissed him back intensely. Their kisses went slow and deep in longing. Dazed, Sander lost his balance and stumbled back once, but Robbe hanged on to him.

It was a moment before Sander felt the vibration in his pants, and noticed that his phone had been ringing. He broke the kiss, and took it out. It was Britt. She was supposed to pick him up, right after class. This happened everytime, when he was with Robbe, he forgot everything else; the world, reality, Britt.

He rejected the call and said to Robbe, "Britt is waiting for me."

Robbe's hand was still holding on his jacket but he turned away with a sad expression. Sander put his phone back to his pocket.

"Hey, Britt is history." Sander cupped one hand on Robbe's face and planted a kiss to make his point.

He stroked his thumb affectionately along Robbe's cheek and said gently, "We are the future."

Robbe smiled then and Sander kissed him again, Robbe grabbing on his jacket. Sander wanted to stay like that and it was physically hard for him to peel his lips away. He touched his forehead to Robbe's and murmured with regret, "I really have to go."

Robbe sighed quietly, seemingly just as reluctant and they stood there with their hands on each other jaw. They kissed for the last time and detached from each other slowly, standing apart, holding with one hand on each other's arms. Sander stepped back slowly, reluctantly, looking at Robbe. One of their hands was still holding on to each other's and then their fingers slipped and Sander stumbled back a step. He adjusted his shoulder bag, smiling sheepishly to Robbe. He looked back twice, and they smiled at each other shyly before turning away.