Bloody Hands and Broken Minds Book 1

Part Two - Chapter 27

"Evelyn." Bucky's soft voice lulls me out of my mind, my eyes opening slowly to a bright light.

"Bucky?" I whisper, tears springing to my eyes.

Bucky smiles at the sound of her voice, hearing Evelyn for the first time in four months.

"Yeah, it's me baby." Bucky's voice sounds again, I don't realize he's not actually here until my eyes land on the laptop in front of me.

"I'm sorry." I cry as I watch my family through the screen.

"Babydoll, there's nothing to be sorry for. Don't you apologize for anything." Bucky speaks softly and I realize I have forgotten how comforting his voice is.

"I can't do this anymore." I break down as a fresh wave of tears fall.

Viktor has yet to wipe my memories and every day I think it will be my last with Bucky's face still in my mind. I've lost all sense of time. I have no idea how long I've been gone, whether it's day or night, time doesn't seem to exist for me but the hours spent in pain. I've tried so hard to stay strong, determined not to let Hydra break me, but now that determination has faded.

I gave up a while ago, I just didn't realize it until Viktor laughed in my face at my compliance. I didn't realize I gave up hope until I found myself weak with submission, no fight left in me. My body has been pushed to exhaustion far too often from the continuous pain that seems to never end. Every time I believe this is it, this is how I die, Viktor forces that damn healing serum into my blood just to do it all over again.

___

"Please don't say that." Bucky's voice breaks.

He hadn't slept in weeks, when he does it doesn't last long. He wake up at a maximum of three hours, screaming for Evelyn until Steve runs in and calms him down.

A particular nightmare that won't stop circling his mind snaps a cord in him that he can't fix. Every time he closes his eyes, he finds himself dressed in his gear on a mission with the team...except Eve's not there. He always finds her though, whether it be on a rooftop, in a cell, or in a grave, he always finds her. When he finds her on a rooftop, she has no memory of him, she's Hydra's personal puppet and he can't save her. When he finds her in a cell, she's bleeding out, her last breath pulling loud cries from him as he holds her limp body. When he finds her name on a grave, he falls to his knees and screams at the sky.

"I can't do this! It hurts too much."

"Babydoll listen to me. You are the strongest person I know, if anyone can get through this, it's you. Your strength always amazes me, every single fucking day you leave me baffled with how brave and resilient you are. You are so amazing, you're beautiful, kind, funny, down right stubborn," Bucky says as Eve smiles weakly through tears, "You are the most compassionate person I know, you care so much about others and you always put their happiness before your own and that just...it's beautiful. You take my breath away every single day, I will never get over how gorgeous you are Evelyn, honestly. I have to be the luckiest fool in the entire universe to be able to call you mine. Every damn day I thank my lucky star that I met you because I honestly don't think I'd be able to breathe without you by my side. I love you so much it physically hurts. You mean the world to me and I would do anything to make you happy. I love you doll, don't you forget that."

Evelyn opens her mouth to respond but a scream forces itself past the words when she's struck across the back with a whip of barbed wire.

"That's enough of that." Viktor smiles as he walks in front of the camera.

"I swear to god if you hurt her again I'll hunt you down and make you wish you were in hell you bastard!" Bucky threatens as Evelyn's scream  lessens to pained whimpers.