Bloody Hands and Broken Minds Book 1

Part Three - Chapter 41

"Why weren't you fazed?" Bucky asks emotionlessly as Steve and him sit on the edge of his bed side by side.

"What?"

"When she hurt herself. You didn't seem freaked. I'm asking why." Bucky says.

Steve sighs and stands from the bed and crosses the room to lean against the wall and watch the birds out the window.

"When I first found Evelyn running from Hydra I took her in. I brought her back to an old apartment of mine and let her camp out there so she could adjust to the world at her own pace." Steve begins, his voice steady. "I stayed with her for the first few months. It was... bad. There were a lot of restless nights where she'd simply scream. She'd scream for hours until her voice was raw. After dinner one night she was bringing her plate to the sink and she dropped it. I've never seen someone so..." Steve trails off, trying to find a word to describe what he'd seen.

"I cleaned it up and told her it was alright and then she dropped to her knees. She begged me to hit her. And that was when I realized that she relied on some kind of physical reprimand when she messed up and couldn't function without it. It took me months, years, to break that habit of hers. I gave her slap bracelets and rubber bands she could snap when she saw fit. I had to ease her away from cutting herself, then I had to deal with the bruises she gave herself until I worked her up to no physical harm and she was able to stop."

"You knew she was hurting herself?" Bucky says quietly, his voice calm. Too calm.

"No." Steve shakes his head.

"But you knew there was a chance when we brought her back." Bucky states, not a question in his mind.

Steve lowers his head. "Yes."

Bucky stands from the bed. "And you didn't think to share that information with anyone?"

"I didn't think Evelyn would want that part of her life shared. It's something she's not proud of which is why she hasn't told you before."

"You don't get to decide what you want to share and what you want to keep to yourself when it comes to Evelyn's safety and yes even from herself! Especially from herself right now!" Bucky raises his voice.

"I was doing what I thought was best."

"Well you're fucking wrong." Bucky snaps.

"What about you?" Steve picks a fight, "You won't let her see a doctor. Tony has the best in the country lined up to help Eve get back to her old self—"

"Her old self?" Bucky interrupts, "Jesus Christ Steve there is no going back. This isn't some fucking flu that she can simply bounce back from and be her bubbly self again. And that fucking doctor wouldn't have a clue how to help Evelyn with something of this degree. Be honest, you just want some psych doctor to poke and prod at her so you don't have to deal with the fact that she's moved on from you."

"That is not—"

"That is exactly—" Bucky cuts Steve off then himself when he notices Bruce standing in the doorway of the room.

"Bucky, can I speak with you for a minute?" Bruce asks, standing awkwardly as he looks between the two soldiers.

Bucky casts Steve a quick look of distain before he leaves the room to follow Bruce to the lab.

"Is she alright?" Bucky demands as Bruce pushes past the lab doors.

"I was able to clean up her wounds without any problems."

"But she's okay?"

"Physically, yes. Mentally, it's hard to say exactly." Bruce says as Bucky walks up to Evelyn's medical bed where she's currently sleeping thanks to the sedatives Bruce gave her.

"Hey doll." Bucky whispers as he gently takes her hand in his. "I'm gonna help you through this, you're gonna be okay I promise." Bucky brings his lips down to kiss her hand before he lowers his head.

"I can give you some time alone if you'd like." Bruce speaks quietly.

"Please." Bucky agrees. "Bruce." The soldier calls after him. "Thank you." 

Bruce smiles softly, nodding his head before leaving the lab.

___

My eyes slowly open and I wait for my vision to adjust as I glance around the room. Bucky's sitting in a chair beside me. One of his hands prop up his sleeping head while the other grips my hand tightly.

"Bucky?" I rasp.

Bucky stirs from his sleep at the sound of his name being called and his eyes immediately fill with worry, concern, and... hurt. A small smile graces his lips as he stands and brings me into a hug while I sit up in the bed. Bucky's chin rests on top of my head as I cling to him like my own personal life support. With my face in his chest I don't notice the silent tears that track his cheek.

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