Today was the day Lou was finally being released from the hospital. It's been about three weeks since that moment that still haunts my thoughts and wakes me up to face sweat stained sheets and tears streaming down my face. I've tried resolving the obvious tension between Louis and I, but he refuses to look at me, forget even talking. Due to this awkwardness between us two, there was problems being created within the five of us. I was constantly snapping at Niall because of my lack of sleep and I was bitter toward Liam and Zayn. After about a week of trying to get through to my former best friend I finally gave up, locking myself away from the world, away from my problems. The worst thing about being alone is that there is no one and nothing to distract you from your thoughts. I thought of Louis' confession and of why he was avoiding me. Did I lose him before I could even call him mine? I instantly became lost in my depression. I drowned myself into alcohol to hide my pain, to distract myself from feeling.
The boys were becoming worried about me. They continued to constantly show up at my flat banging on my door begging me to come out. I knew eventually I would have to lead my safe haven and face reality but right now, in this moment I wanted to hide in the safety that was my pain. I sit on my bed in the same wrinkled clothes as yesterday, nursing a bottle of whiskey realizing that in a meat hour I was expected to be at managements headquarters for a quote, unquote "important" meeting. We all knew what it was about, Louis' condition and I was scared. Not for myself, but for him due to his fragile state. Who knew how much trouble Louis could get in with management? Who knew what type of punishment he would soon come to face?
I thought of all of this as I rinsed the sweat and tears from my body. Within the next hour I stumble into Modest! Management headquarters in my green beanie, grey sweats, and my Ramones shirt mentally preparing myself for what was soon to come.
I slowly stood from the hospital bed fully dressed, now out of the horrid hospital gown, and my body groaned in protest. For the past three weeks I had the capability to move but just not the motivation to do so. For the first week of being stuck in this hell hole all five of the boys visited everyday,but soon that number dwindled to four due to my constant ignoring of Harry's presence.
'Mate, you're being a bit ridiculous now aren't you?" Liam questioned me. Of course he would be be the one to actually confront me about what's been going on. "I know you're going through a rough patch, but this is also affecting Harry. If you took your head out of your arse you would realize that. He hasn't come out of your guys' flat in days and refuses to speak to anyone. He is completely isolating himself and it seems to me he is waiting for someone. That someone is you. He can't even cope with you not speaking to him for a few days, imagine the effects it would have on you BOTH if all remnants of your friendship were to be severed. You both just really need your best mate."
Liam takes in a long, shaky breathe as he awaits my reaction. My anger began to boil to the surface and with a scream that seemed foreign to my body, I shouted, "You clueless fucking bastard get out. Just get out."
A look of shock takes over his face as he quickly scurried out of the room and immediately I break down into tears. My heart sinks to the pit of my stomach of my stomach with the thought of Harry being in pain, but with that thought came the harsh reminder of his platonic feelings toward me and with that came the carve for the pain.
After my outburst, Niall, Liam, And Zayn continued to visit but there was a sense of unsureness in the air. The conversation was formal and mostly about the meeting with management today.
As I walk out of the doors of the hospital, discharge papers in hand, I begin to quake at the very thoughts of what management may do to me.
