new girl // brandon arreaga

29

i wake up with a huge headache, the lights in my room being way too bright for my eyes to handle. i felt cassie's hand in mine and knew that somehow everything would be okay just from her being here.

when i woke up, i saw the joy in her eyes once she saw that i was okay. the pain of the past few hours comes back to me too quickly and my heart sinks into my stomach, a twisted knot forming and churning whatever i've eaten in the past few hours.

"i'm so sorry, cassie," i groan, my throat dry and aching from breathing through an oxygen hose. "i should have always been honest with you."

she frowns and tears start to rush to her eyes again, just like how they did at joe's when she found out about everything. "let's not talk about it, okay?"

"no," i start. "we need to talk about this. it was wrong of me, cassie."

she shakes her head and uses the hand that isn't holding mine to hide her face. "we aren't doing this right now."

i look at her and feel the world around me fall into a million different pieces. i can see her pain but i can still see her love; i can see her heart breaking but i can still see the relief that i'm alive to even talk about this with her. and it's in this moment that i realize i will never deserve cassie.

"you shouldn't be here," i barely whisper. it takes every last bit of effort in me to push it out of my mouth and when i do, cassie's face rises from her free hand and her brows knit together.

"what do you mean?" she asks. her hand drops from mine and she sits further back into her chair.

i look at her face, absorbing every last detail of it. "you shouldn't be here," i repeat.

cassie scoffs and shakes her head as she tries to work out what i mean. "are you telling me to leave?"

i purse my lips and look at her with the deepest sadness boiling in my stomach. at first my head is too busy spinning to speak, but i eventually find focus in her eyes. "i think it's what's best," i whisper.

i have no choice but to look away from her. cassie's eyes are welling with tears and i feel her gaze on me after i turn my cheek, glaring at me with a mixture of anger and sadness.

"you're telling me... to leave?" cassie asks,
her voice breaking. "after everything you did i'm the one who gets told to leave?"

"i'm sorry, cassie," i say. my eyes drift to the cast around my wrist and i resist the urge to send that same wrist through the wall.

the hospital room is completely silent aside from my shaky breathing and the stutter of cassie's speechlessness. when cassie's chair scrapes slightly on the floor i know that she's standing to leave and waiting for me to say something before she walks away. but when i continue to look away, she speaks instead.

"fuck you, brandon."

cassie

waiting for him to speak was the hardest part.

my heart sank into my stomach and i felt my blood freeze in my veins, giving me a breathtaking shock. at first i didn't believe what i heard; i thought he must have said something else. there was no way in my mind that brandon would do such a thing.

but he did, and now i'm locked in a bathroom stall with my head resting against my forearm as i try to understand what just happened. when everything starts to line up my eyes go blurry with a sheet of tears that spill over my bottom lashes and run down to my chin.

after everything he did, and everything i continued to do for him, he let me go. he let me go without a fight, without a warning, without any clue of how he came to this conclusion.