Please Forget About Me

18

The first night after Nina left was a difficult one for Maya.

Most people don't want to be forgotten Maya dreamed about it.

Maya hated the idea of death because death was associated with the people surrounding her.

But disappearing? Never existing in the first place. What a beautiful concept.

To be meaningless to people, the idea of that filled her heart with peace.

She wanted to be forgotten, she wanted for the other to see her how she saw herself. As nothing. No one important, no one meaningful.

She was ugly and undeserving of love. The way she was self-absorbed with her insecurities and failures only fueled the deep burning hate she felt towards herself.

She hated the person in the mirror so much that she wanted to keep hurting her, keep causing her pain until she's worth something or until she disappears. One or the other.

Since she was grounded, forbidden from contacting Nicole and Lucas was no longer a distraction. It was only her and her thoughts, and they weren't very pleasant.

But it was nobody's fault. No one could ever protect her from her own mind and no one ever tried.

It was a bad night for her.

She couldn't sleep.

The silence, the quiet it was all terrifying. She decided to give up sleeping, she stood up from the bed and went out of the room, she went downstairs and her legs lead her towards the kitchen.

From the refrigerator, she took a big bowl of vanilla ice cream. She also found chocolate chip cookies on the shelf.

She started eating. She couldn't stop.

Food. The only source of comfort was also the source of pain. She felt a deep shame that was overshadowed by a desire to eat more and more and fill up her stomach because her heart was empty, and she needed to find a way to at least for a moment to feel the pleasure of a tasty meal. Not think about the number of calories she's consuming.

She ate normally throughout the day, she had no choice. All of her brothers monitored her food intake.

As she was eating in the middle of the night she cried. She was trying to not make any sound but she was interrupted anyway.

It was Simon. He showed up out of nowhere, and he was taking the ice cream out of her hands.

She watched quietly as he put the food where it was before, and then he asked gently

"Do you want to watch a movie?"

She nodded.

"How about Star Wars?"

"I never watched it"

"What do you mean?" he looked at her like she just admitted to being an alien.

Maya shrugged her arms. She just never watched it, so what?

"Then we have to start from the beginning," Simon said with a pure determination in his voice as if something important was happening.

Maya sighted "I will make tea then"

As she came back Simon already waited for her at the coach.

"Wait it's not the first part it's part four," she said confused

"Part four was the one released first, actually"

"But why?"

"Shush little girl, just watch," he said staring like a hypnotized on the screen. And they did. He stayed with her in the middle of the night, he has made her tea and let her fall asleep on his arm as they were watching. "Are you cold?" Simon asked as she shivered. She nodded, and he took his hoodie off and gave it to her

"Thank you," Maya said touched by the gesture, and put she put a big, warm piece of fabric on herself it smelled like sandalwood and cigarettes.

And for the first time, her source of comfort was not the food or a lack of it. It was a person. It was her brother. She fell asleep with her head on his broad shoulder.

It's been a week since the news about her mother's death. As Salvatore left Maya the old phone she had unlimited access to aunt Nina who called her almost every day to check up on her. She didn't suspect that her old phone would later be the beginning of her new problems.

On Monday Maya got up and went to breakfast to announce to others that she wants to go to school. No one protested but each of her brothers had to send her a worried glance.

"Are you sure you're ready to come back?"

"Yes I need something to keep my mind off all these" Maya explained and Salvatore nodded in agreement.

"You may come back but promise me Maya that you will tell me if the things become too overwhelming, alright?" Salvatore said, he clearly decided to respect Maya's wishes at the moment, she was very thankful for him about that.

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