brothers.

68~ Goodbye, My Friend

01.03.24

Dear Diary, I have two free periods, so I'm writing. I had Health and Geometry just now; two classes I pretty much hate. On the bright side, I have ASL, and Dr. Cawman's coming over. Today's a weirdly calm day. I haven't had any episodes, I haven't felt depressed, I haven't had any anxiety or panic attacks. It's one of those good days, you know?

At the same time, I was texting my friends. Blanche was moving to her mom's on Saturday. Everyone was trying to get together before she moved as sort of a goodbye. She'd posted on Familiar, spending time with her club friends and packing her things.

She was pretty lucky. I usually got 30 minutes' notice before I was moved. It was nice that she actually had time to say goodbye and prepare to move back. And she was with her mother, someone she wanted to be with.

I shook my head. I was very fortunate myself. I was with a perfectly good family and had great friends. I was so ungrateful.

Maybe that was why people hated me. I was so greedy and selfish. So self-centered. I believed everyone had to pay attention to me. I was so gross. So...

I took a breath. The good day was ruined. I was doing it again. Why did I always do this?

I checked Monica's chat. She'd gotten into the habit of texting me 'good morning' every day. It was weird she hadn't done so this morning. Maybe she was busy. I scrolled through our chat on New Year's Day, where I told her all about the celebration.

moneysully: yea Maybelle can be difficult, but shes overall a nice girl. She just goes through a lot

I understand, I'd replied. Take it from me (laughing emoji)

moneysully: (laughing emoji)

btw im thinking we could get together soon? Maybe this week? Lmk

i usually like fridays

Sunflowergirl3482: Yeah, sure! It'll be fun.

Just not around where Ivy hangs around though.

moneysully: Yea ik

Im so sorry about her

those messages arent like her. i cant believe shed do that

Sunflowergirl3482: You didn't mention them to her, right?

moneysully: no ofc not

ig shes just really letting those girls control her

she wasnt like this before amy died

I scrolled further down to yesterday's chat.

Sunflowergirl3482: Hey Monica! Susan gave me permission to hang out with you on Thursday. Let me know if you're free! I can't on Friday. If not, we could try Saturday.

2 hours later, I'd texted, Money you there?

I'm sorry are you sleeping?

Then 3 hours later. Money are you feeling okay? You're not back at the hospital, are you?

It was weird that she wasn't responding. For as long as I'd talked to her, she was always online. I tried her again.

Sunflowergirl3482: Morning Monica! You feeling better today?

Lmk if you're available tomorrow or Saturday! I was thinking we could go bowling. I've never actually done it, but I'm open to trying! (smiling emoji)