Toujours pur; Sirius Black

H O G W A R T S E X P R E S S

So far me and the girls had done a good job at avoiding the Gryffindors even though we could still feel their gazes on us from afar, the pain in their eyes was evident, they were hurt and confused as to why we were just suddenly avoiding them. I could see the toll it took on Remus as he wouldn't even look at Adrianna when we were in lessons or the Great Hall, he was quiet and distant, he looked broken and that tore me up from the inside out.

Sirius was a wreck to the visible purple bags under his eyes, his usual curly black raven hair was no longer bouncy and had become dull waves, his eyes were also dull no longer holding the light that they previously did. He didn't look happy, ever. None of us were happy and everyone was starting to notice, even the teachers as they gave us all concerned looks in the Great Hall and lessons.

The marauders were no longer pranking people, when they did talk it was in a quiet whisper so prying ears couldn't hear. Me and the girls only spoke when we were spoken too, we didn't even speak to each other. It's funny how such a simple thing like a letter could tear even the bestest of friends apart. However the fear of the people we loved getting hurt was far greater than our desire to have a couple extra friends.

Adrianna had also become distant, she wasn't doing well without Remus. Alissa had been spending more of her time with Regulus which I think was helping her. I'm glad she had someone who she could talk to as me and Adrianna weren't really the best option anymore.

After that night I hadn't really said a word to anyone, my appetite had drastically changed as I was barely eating anything as the days went on, I was getting skinner and my hair was no longer the silky dark chocolate brown colour it used to be, now more of a dull puddle colour that was ragged at the ends. I hardly slept, every time I did I would wake up in a cold sweat my sleep full of nightmares of my mother and father even sometimes my brothers. I spent most of my days in the back of the library, most of the time staring at nothing, sometimes catching up on the work that I was behind on.

Dumbledore had apologised profusely to me that he let someone like Evan into his school, I didn't say much, just nodded, he also noticed the bandages on my wrists and asked me if I needed to speak to someone. I kindly thanked him but said that wouldn't be necessary, like I've said before other people shouldn't be burdened with my problems.

Potions was the worst and hardest place to avoid our former friends as I had my designated seat next to Sirius. He tried multiple times to talk to me and get my attention however none of it worked. I did my best to ignore him, I didn't say a word to him but if he asked me to get an ingredient for a potion I would just do it so that I could avoid any confrontation. Although that didn't stop him from trying to confront me as he constantly asked me "what was going on?" and "why I was ignoring him." Sitting their and not being able to say anything was worse than any torture I would receive off my mother.

Potions was no easier for Adrianna either as now that Evan was gone she was placed next to Remus which must've been heart wrenching for her, they never even so much as looked at each other, I'm sure James was asking Alissa the same questions Sirius was asking me, trying to get some answers but it didn't work. Alissa wouldn't crack like any of us.

Tomorrow we would be going home for Christmas break, well I would be going home, the girls were staying here for Christmas like they do every year. I was terrified to go back home, knowing exactly what would happen as soon as I got there. I was pacing back and forth in my dorm while Adrianna and Alissa watched me anxiously.

"Will you stop that?" Alissa snapped.

"Sorry," I stopped pacing back and forth and let out a shaky breath.

"Look, it's just a week and a half and then you're going to be back here," Adrianna reasoned softly.

"Well I don't exactly want to be here either," I scoffed as the girls looked to the floor and just hummed in agreement, god this was shit it was so so so shit.