Without Her (Book 2 of Chimera Trilogy)

56

Kabanata 56: leave

Maliliit lang ang ginagawa kong hakbang sa layunin na mahuli ako sa paglalakad. Kada nahuhuli ako ay titigil siya at hihintayin ako. Kapag nagpantay na ulit kami ay sisikapin niyang sabayan ang maliliit kong hakbang. Wala akong balak na sabihin.

"Nasa deck si Mom. She insisted on coming with Elijah."

"Okay." tipid kong sagot. Pinagbuksan niya akong pinto. Hindi na ako nagpasalamat at dumiretso na agad ako sa loob. Kanina ay may lakas pa ako ng loob na ayain siyang pumasok. Ngayon ay wala na.

Ibinagsak ko ang sarili sa kama kahit hindi ko pa naririnig na sinara ni Ian ang pinto. Ipinulupot ko na sa katawan ang comforter.

"Vian," He called my attention. I stopped rolling in the comforter. "Can we talk?"

My mouth dried. Hindi ko maisip ang dapat na isagot. Of course, I can't pretend that I immediately fell asleep because apparently, a few minutes won't support that. Kailangan kong sumagot ng oo. Walang rason para tanggihan ko iyon.

I cleared my throat. Nakayakap pa rin sa akin ang comforter nang maupo ako. He headed inside when he saw me sit. Mabagal at maingat ang bawat galaw niya. He's watching my reaction when he nears me. Naupo siya sa paanan ng kama na kinauupuan ko.

Ilang minuto kaming ganoon. Halos nalibot na ng mata ko ang bawat sulok ng kwarto. This is awkward. He felt it too. We both wanted to talk to each other but we don't know how to start. It's like it was the first date again. I am nervous around him. Maybe, he is to me too.

"I'm not good at handling drama." I started. "You know heart to heart talks and the likes." I scrunch my nose.

He sighed. "I'm always grateful each day when I came to know that you're alive."

"Well, you saw me alive and well for months now." I sighed as well. This is not going well. Shit. Ayos, Vian.

"Still." He said. "I want to catch up with you. I want to know what happened for the past years coming from you. I want to know your pain...and own it. Pakiramdam ko ay dinadala mo pa rin ang sakit no'n."

My eyes are shaking, trying so hard to suppress my tears. Why is he like this? I really hate dramas because I can't stop myself from crying. Before like when I was 15, I can still stop my tears from crying in these kinds of situations but when you experience so many struggles, you can't help yourself but cry.

"I still regret the day that I let go of your hand, baby. If I could turn back time...if I could just turn back time. You won't have to experience that. I'm really sorry if I failed to save you."

When I saw a tear escape from his eyes, I felt like it was my cue. Sa pagkurap ko ay sunod sunod na tumulo ang luha sa aking mga mata. My heart throbbed from feeling too much because of his words. I wish that he could save me too but it wasn't his fault. I wish that it didn't happen too.

"It wasn't your fault. Why are you apologizing?" I answered in between my sobs. I think of words on how to make this situation light...on how to make him stop blaming himself. "It did make me stronger though." I didn't mean that. I know all too well that I can be stronger without that.

Umiling siya. He slowly moved his arm and wiped my tears using his thumb. "You're strong enough. You can certainly become stronger. You don't deserve that tragedy."

He gasped. "Oh lord, even holding you still seemed unreal." He moved forward and enveloped me into his arms. "Baby, please..." He pleaded and as if he prayed, "Don't leave me like that again. I can't live with that pain again. Stay with me..."

I rested my head on his chest. His embrace, his scent, his chest has been my safe haven since forever. I'm really in love with this man despite all his flaws ever since we were young. He matured into this loving fine man. Hindi na makasarili ang pagmamahal niya. Ang pagmamahal na binibigay at pinadarama niya sa akin ngayon ay mapagpalaya.