When can I see you again? Johnlock AU

deep talk activates

"Because I- because I feel like I need to. That IS me. I identify with this young and hopeful boy. The little prankster who pulls down the pants of his professor" I chuckle a little at the thought "You can see him sometimes. But I feel so tired from it all."

"Tired? What do you mean with tired? Is it not fine to be quiet sometimes?" Sherlock probably asks all this questions for personal gains and curiosity. He sounds so eager, not worrying about pushing me too much... Strangely I feel better than being confronted with pitiful looks and 'I totally understand you's.

"I don't know, it's just... It's complicated" another sigh escapes my lips. I let my arms fall onto the table, listening to the shallow thud of the plate with the untouched breakfast. For a few minutes there is silence. I take it in, relaxing because I know I can be myself now.

Would Sherlock even like you then.

He is my caretaker. He will leave eventually. They leave if it is a lost cause or if they think they are done.

I feel warm yet rough palm over my hands. I abruptly pull my hands back in shock. My eyes probably widened in shock, yet they cannot see anything.

"John..." I hear Sherlocks voice. He sounds a little concerned now.

"ah I am sorry" I scratch the back of my head, "that just startled me"

"So why is it bad to be quiet?" Wow, this guy either has no sense of social interaction at all or is very persistent.

"Because... because I am just tired from it all"

"From it all?" Sherlock repeats my last words as a question. Does he want to know what all is?

"From life, social interaction, everything. It feels like I have so little energy... Sometimes I find it hard to even breath, to take a step forward. It's as if there is mud on my new rainbow boots." Hot tears carve their way over my cheeks towards my mouth.

"Can I take you hand, John?" Sherlock asks. He is not as dense, as I thought. "Molly told me that should comfort the person in vain."

Somehow this makes me chuckle. How could I believe for a second that Sherlock is able to socialize? Instead of answering I shift my right hand onto the table. I feel a little tingle when Sherlocks hand intervenes with mine.

"Thanks" I wipe my tears away.

"You should eat something first, then we can continue talking. My brother always keeps a bag full of Snickers, so he never feels hungry. Hunger effects the brain to an extend where a starving animal would attack a more dangerous prey." The plate with my bread with cheese gets gently pushed towards me.

Lucky for me since I now know its location. I grab my food and happily munch it down. I hear Sherlock also eating. We ate in silence; nothing is worse than someone trying to talk to you when you just took a big glob of food into your mouth. This happened to me all the time when I was eating out in a restaurant. Do waiters and waitresses do this on purpose?! I cAn'T eVeN.

"Let me take care of the dishes" I hear water flooding down the sink and hitting onto the delicate plates. Hopefully, Sherlock doesn't need to wash a spoon. We would drown otherwise. Remember, the water will spurt everywhere when you wash a spoon.

I lean my head onto my hand and mumble quietly: "You would make a great husband". I sigh.

Little did John know that Sherlock actually heard him. The little blush on Sherlocks face was of course not real and just an illusion~

I left my thoughts to wander again through the darkness of my mind.

Some tea which was put beside me woke me up from my daydreams again.

"Ahhh, there it is~" I chuckle "The gold of the Brits."

Sherlock chuckles now too. We stay quiet for a while, enjoying each other's presence.

"John?" I knew this would come.

Things can never stay comfortable.

"Yeah?" my voice wavers a bit, not sure if I want to reply.

"What makes you so uncomfortable?"

"huh?" my head naturally snaps to the man sitting in front of me again.

"Is there someone, or something making you feel tired? I don't know how this feels like. I need you to tell me."

"There is no one. Not really." I mumble the last part.

"Not really?" Sherlock sure has a habit to repeat my last words.

"Except for... Nahhh, there is none." I push my shoulders up, to shrug off the theme. It's over now. He will not pester me. Like all the others.

"Except?" Damn, there he goes again.

My fingers glide over the rough wood. I start to count the rills.

"John? Except what?"

"Except for that voice..." WAIT, why die I even say that?! Don't tell me you have a fucking crush on him already. God fucking damnit John fucking Watson! Why do you always blabber out your feelings as soon as you get close to someone?

That's why you should have closed him off. Look what happened now.

"John?"

I look up, hopefully. He doesn't look like he labels me as a nut case.

"Calm, down, I won't label you" I blink, can he read minds? ", no, I cannot read minds, but I deduced your thoughts since you are holding your breath waiting for me to do anything."

I let out my breath, relieved of his actions.

"John, from now on, you need to tell me everything the voice tell you, okay?" I feel his long fingers intervene with mine. His hands are at least three times bigger than mine.

I nod slowly.

But does he WANT to know ever-y-thing~

My cheeks heat up slightly and I hurry to pick up my cup of tea.

"So," I manage to get through my slurping "What did your brother mean by 'free from this work'?"

(A/N) Damn I am alive D: that's something new... or at least I posted something (school is stress and kills me and I have finals soon). But I already prepared another chappy uwu that I hopefully update then XD no promises tho, I am horrible at updating u guys know that 

But a little spoiler, next chapter is going to get fluffffyyyyy :D