When can I see you again? Johnlock AU

The iceberg and an gremlin

I wake up yet again.

Aww, what a bummer.

How many times have I fainted in the last couple of hours, urgh that's beyond normal. Plus it isn't fun I tell you that. 

I see a familiar ceiling. Why familiar you may ask yourself now.

Cause it is black just like my ceiling at home. Great right. Aww, this feels so comfortable. But you know, when the ceiling is black it feels like the room is less high. Ahh, how I love this feeling of suffocation.

I sigh inwardly. Why do I talk with myself again... Maybe cause I have no friends.

Maybe? More like defiantly.

On the contrary my head lays on a cushion which I do actually know. Haha, because I have lived half of my life in bed I can differentiate between my cushions. What a wonderful skill to have.

I sit up and slightly stir. Smacking my lips slightly. Where Am I exactly?

The cushions are mine, but the sheet smells different. Like cologne. Like cigarettes. Kind of comforting... reminds me of Harry that little motherfucker.

A sudden wave of nausea hits me, causing my thoughts to interrupt.

I let out a small yelp since it feels like I am on a boat.

I panic.

My lungs stop working, I feel as if there is my cushion in my throat now instead of on my bed.

I choke out. Air. I need air.

The world starts to spin around, I feel like I am thrown around, everything moves but me. What to do? What to do?

Breath.

Haha, very clever as if I don't try!. I already taste the salty water from the sea on my lips.

Oh wait those are only my tears, my bad.

A blanket is warped around me, huge and cosy. Calming me slightly yet struggling to escape. How should I move with this around me.

I feel myself getting dizzy.

Breath in. I tell myself

Useless.

Breath out

It won't help you anyway.

Breath in.

Breath out.

I repeat this like a mantra, like the rope to the boat. It is my lifeline. Everything else is not important

"Alright now?" I hear a dark voice whisper. Right into mY FUCKING EAR.

Oh, shit, now I am having a gay panic. YESHHH way better now that you make me flustered you idjit.

I smell the cologne and cigarettes again. A familiar smell by now. Though it is way more penetrant by now.

Shit.

SHiT. That's not a blanked, that's human warmth. Noooo let me escape. I feel suddenly very nervous from the touch. No touchy-touch without permission, dude.

"John?" Sherlock. That's motherfucking Sherlock fucking Holmes hugging me. Me an gremlin. Hugging. Him, the iceberg in titanic hugging me a hobbit. A gremlin.

"-fine" my voice is shaky.

Pitiful. He will think you are weak.

I clear my throat and then repeat my mumbled 'I'm fine' again.

I feel a short nod. Yes, this man is such a genius that he nods in front of a blind guy. Totally clever.

" No need to feel uncomfortable John" Sherlock starts while pushing himself off me, I hear him undust his shirt or whatever. " This was only a panic attack which is caused by your brain. All of this was not, real your brain hallucinated it due to the fact that you fainted and it felt a threat. Thus you panic and hyperventilated which caused you to think you will die due to suffocation."

Wow, I understood around half of it. Such a smart-ass.

"Well, It felt FUCKING real Sherlock" I lash out, not really wanting to do so. The shock still lingering in my bones.

Silence falls upon us like a cloak.

After what felt like ages I hear a movement. Sherlock stands up, slightly clearing his throat. "I'm going to start to make breakfast now. Join me when you have calmed down."

His voice was different, not cold and objective. Is he uncomfortable? Oh my gosh. I start to slightly snicker to myself after I am sure that he left.

Wait. Breakfast?! Did we...? No way in hell! Am I at his place oh my gosh I am so worried now why am I even here I dunno how to get around here shiiiit.

Breath in and out one step after another, I tell myself so I don't panic again.

Slowly making myself comfortable with the room by flapping my arms like a madman around touching the furniture. Caw Caw motherfucker.

Then I start to undress myself and get into new clothes. Surprisingly enough that those are actually mine, and that there is my suitcase there. I know it's mine due to the nametag for blind people. Not cause I smell that shit.

Very carefully, after checking myself twice. Yes I forgot my pants once and yes I walked outside for half an hour without them. Thanks to the police I finally noticed. Talking about awkwardness.

As my feet hit bottom rock aka the floor and no stairs, a horrible smell hits my nose. 

(A/n) OH my GoSh is that an update :ooo skskksk I finally hat the Motivation to actually work ∑(ﾟﾛﾟ〃) I try to write more but I will not promise because that never helped anyway.

Welp, I still hope all of you have a nice time even though times are Rough Right now. Stay healty guys. I will try to give some positive thoughts through my updates (even though this is not very happy rn is it?)