The Morons' Club

Chapter Two - The Outhouse

Jefferson didn't go outdoors until Mother insisted they have a wiener roast. "Jeff, please go and chop some wood and kindling. There is an axe by the woodpile."

Jefferson shuffled out to the stack of wood, grabbed the axe. He missed the stick of wood, half the time, and it got stuck in the chopping block. It didn't take long before Jefferson was panting loudly, and his arms became so stiff and sore, the video game player could hardly lift the axe. Eventually, Jefferson completed the chore.

Somehow, the hotdogs tasted better than the heated wieners he usually had at home, especially the ones he had cooked himself when Mom wasn't around.

As he was eating his hotdog with all the condiments Mom had brought from home, Jefferson noticed a small outhouse set off in the trees. It might be the perfect place to play video games. Mother would never go there as there was a decent bathroom in the cabin. The outhouse entrance faced the lake and away from their vacation home.

After they had cleaned up and put out the campfire, Jefferson went to check out the outhouse. He had to fight his way through cobwebs, but the smell wasn't too bad. Due to latrine's lack of recent use, the odor was musty but bearable. Jefferson figured leaving the door open would provide more light and aerate the space a bit more. The door had a hook latch, so he could close the door if Mother happened to pass. It would be the perfect gaming place.

The next morning Jefferson got up relatively early. Mother was still in bed sleeping. He left a note on the table. "Going for a hike. Back by noon." He didn't think he was lying. It was a hike, only not a long one, measured in metres, not kilometres.

He placed his cell phone and battery pack in his pants pocket and began his "hike." The outhouse was a two-holer, which Jefferson thought could be a problem. He sat on the space between the holes, leaving the gaping holes, one on either side, in which he could accidentally drop a cell phone or battery pack. Jefferson took some precautions by leaning forward so the cell phone would fall on the floor if he should drop it and placed the battery pack on the floor ahead of him.

Jefferson had received his first cell phone on his fourteenth birthday. Occasionally, he used social functions like Facebook, Twitter, Snapchat, or texting, mainly to set up a game with friends. The cell phone was primarily his vehicle for gaming. Initially, the games came free with the telephone. At first, he didn't mind playing Solitaire, Hearts, Chess, Scrabble, and Mine Sweeper. Now he considered these games beneath him, games for beginners or the elderly. He began purchasing games, and soon it consumed his entire income: allowances, grandmother's Christmas, and birthday gifts. As he spent all his money on games, he resorted to handmade cards for his mother's birthday and Christmas gifts. On them, Jefferson would offer to do certain chores for a week. Usually, he could only focus on doing them for two or three days.

What's more, Jefferson's art skills hadn't progressed. His cards resembled the ones he made for his mother in grades three or four. Mother felt Jefferson was constantly recycling his elementary school cards, offering the same sentiments, drawings, and help with chores.

Jefferson was surprised at the excellent cell phone coverage he had in the outhouse. It didn't take him long to join an online game battling his old nemeses, Warlord and Macho Joe. Jefferson engaged his opponents for hours in the outhouse, forgetting the time. It wasn't until 12:30 pm before he realized Mother would be waiting with lunch. Jefferson hurriedly excused himself from the game, left the cell phone and battery pack in the outhouse, and ran the short distance to the cabin. Out of breath, he entered the door where Mother had set out lunch with sandwiches and a salad.

"It's good to see you're getting some exercise," Mother remarked as he entered. "Did you have a good hike?"

"Yeah, it was great," came the reply.