What Might've Been (Cricky)

Don't Believe the Lies

I'd blindly agreed to the date in a fleeting moment. I didn't even know where to take TJ. Nowhere too nice, for they'd be homophobic. But nowhere too casual either, for then it would just be dinner out as friends. Then again, what the hell do I know? I wished someone else could just pick the place. 

"Something on your mind? " A voice asked. I looked up at saw that it was Chris. "You've been furrowing your brow harder and harder for the last few minutes. I'll bet I can put a coin between your eyebrows, " He teased. 

"Sorry. I accidentally agreed to something I can't get out of. " 

"You should take him to that Italian place down the street. " 

"How did you-" 

"I have my ways. " He wiggled his fingers mysteriously. "And I overheard you two talking last night, remember? " 

"Oh, right. " I'd forgotten about his warning. There was no point in cancelling anything now though. It was only dinner, after all. "That's not too expensive or fancy, is it? " 

"They don't care if you're gay, if that's what you're worried about. But also, trust me when I tell you that TJ will not let you pick up the tab, even if you were the one who invited him. "

"Not ever? " 

"In all of the history of TJ's date night dinners, he has never not paid. "

"Then I'll just have to make tonight the first. " I cracked my knuckles. 

"Yeah, good luck with that. It'll probably be somewhere around forty dollars though, assuming you get the good wine." 

I stuck my tongue out. "Was that the wine that was in the cabinet over there?" I asked, pointing to the kitchen. "Because that was awful!"

Chris laughed. "That would be the one."

I'd decided to take Chris's advice. Half of this was because I still didn't really know that many restaurants around here to begin with. Since I was driving, and I didn't like the 'good' wine, I had lemon lime soda. TJ had the wine, which he seemed to enjoy greatly. "You know, after all of this time, I still don't know much of anything about you," He told me. "I mean, I do, but I don't."

"What do you wanna know?"

"Who gave you the necklace?" He pointed to the skeleton key around my neck. 

I pulled it forward and stared at it for a moment. "An old friend."

"A lover?"

"Something like that." I dropped the necklace. 

"Then why keep it? Unless....." He covered his mouth with his hand. "You're not cheating on him, are you?"

"What?! No! We've been done since before I even came here. I keep it because I like the necklace. It doesn't mean anything to me."

"Well that makes me feel a little better. I didn't want to be an accomplice in something like that."

I shook my head. "Well you really don't know me then." I took a sip of my soda. 

"Well I know you're straight, that's for sure."

"I'm not-"

"I mean you don't take risks," He interrupted. "You're drinking soda instead of alcohol so that you don't drive intoxicated. You left your apartment instead of waiting to be kicked out. When's the last time you were actually on an officer's radar?"

"I guess I'm not the type of person who goes around raising hell." I sighed.

TJ chuckled. "You'd be exactly the type of person my parents wished I was friends with though, that's for sure. I was a little bit of a pain in the ass for them. Still am."

"I'm not all good," I told him. "I swear and I'm not religious and I had sex before marriage."

"Wow, you're so fucking bad," He mocked me. "I'll watch out for you."

"You know just because I'm in a band doesn't mean I have to be like the rest of the already established community. " 

"I never said I wanted you to be Nikki Sixx. " He shrugged. "I still don't want you to be him. " 

"He's sober now, I think. "

His lip quirked up. "But how long did it take to get there? " 

"That's a good point," I sighed. "Why did you make me take you here if all you want is to get to the bedroom?" I asked, frustrated with the lack of progress.

TJ's lighthearted mood faded away. "I'm guessing you've been talking to other people about me?" He drummed his fingers on the table. "Mostly Chris, right?"

"Yeah but-"

"I told you to make your own opinion of me before you assumed things," He interrupted. "And Chris is taking a predetermined notion from some made up version of me inside his head. I'd never do anything that you didn't want me to."

"But you manipulated me last night. You made me take you out, kissed me, and got a month shaved off of your 'wait time.'"

"That's not true. I didn't take away your free will, I simply coaxed it in the direction that it wanted to go into. You tell me you didn't want me to kiss you, yet you didn't push me away when I got close. You tell me that I made you take me out, yet you took me somewhere that was fancy, but not so fancy that we'd be kicked out for being gay and rock stars. You went out of your way to make two parties happy all on your own, Ricky." He drained the rest of his wine. "And I don't usually go out with people like you because I never get the chance. In the short time I've known you, I've come to really like you. So no, I'm not only interested in cheap sex. If I was, I would've gotten already, believe me. And for the record, you were the one who was jealous and telling me all about morals last night. I was simply having a good time with someone who I'm loosely connected with."

I couldn't tell him he was wrong, so he'd rendered me speechless. Never in my life have I felt so embarrassed.