What Might've Been (Cricky)

The Secret

A/n: This chapter is not a mistype, it really does happen.

Two days after TJ and my big fight, I couldn't help but let myself wonder why he and Chris were so against each other. It was a thought that plagued me, and I just had to know. I wasn't going to ask TJ, he would somehow find a way to turn the conversation around to a different point. I would have to ask Chris. It took a few hours to get him alone, but once I did, the zipper on my lips flew open. "I have to ask you a weird question," I told him. 

"Shoot," He told me. He was currently helping out with the tear-down process at the venue. 

"What happened between you and TJ? Why do the two of you not like each other so much?"

Chris stopped what he was doing. He looked at me. "We were together, once." He sat on the floor next to me, and I sat as well. I figured this was going to be a long conversation. "I was like you at first. I thought he was just really cute and funny. It took me a few months to figure out that I had no idea what I even liked about him to begin with. I honestly couldn't tell how I felt about him because I never did feel anything for him. A quick crush, maybe a small glimmer of attraction, but that was it. We never should've dated, and we didn't really. It was a lot of time spent in the bedroom. I can imagine that doesn't surprise you though, right?"

I shook my head. "Not really. So you two just split up?"

"Pretty much." He took a deep breath. "But I'm not saying that that's what you have to do, either. It's entirely possible that you really do like him, but I feel like he's just playing with you, y'know? I mean, I'm just warning you." He chuckled. "It's funny really, I'm probably just pushing you right towards him by telling you that he's bad news."

"No," I said. "Not really, anyways. I think he said the exact same thing," I recalled. "We had a fight about it. He said that you were the one manipulating my opinion of him. Can you imagine?"

"I can. I may have accidentally picked up on a few of TJ's tricks myself. I had to talk him into a lot of things. He's a difficult guy to reason with because he's so good at getting his own way. I'll bet he gave his parents quite a run for their money, if you know what I mean."

"I wouldn't doubt it," I agreed. "Would it be bad if I didn't break up with him though? If I gave it a chance?" I was kidding myself, but a part of me still wondered. Is it possible that what TJ said was true? Was he really just surfacing feelings that were already there?

Chris stood. "That's all up to you, buddy. The cards are in your hands now."

It was a lot of information to take in, but I decided that I didn't believe it. There's no way that Chris and TJ ever dated. I just can't see it. They're like fire and ice. They just can't possibly have ever been together. Then again, aren't TJ and I like fire and ice, too? Or am I just a little bit more fiery than I know? TJ had put ideas in my head. Maybe I really did have a denial issue. Maybe I really just couldn't figure out how to read myself. There was so much to consider, and I didn't know who to turn to. I'd already tried asking Chris, and TJ was out of the question. 

The sad truth is, I know that I have a thing for Chris. I know I probably don't have a thing for TJ. However, the thought of ending things so quickly feels almost like a 'middle school romance' if you catch my drift. I'd crush him. I'd crush myself. I just can't bring myself to do it. 

So I didn't. Not then anyways. In fact, it took me a full year of escapades and hopelessly romantic dates with TJ to finally leave him. All the while, I was growing more and more attracted to Chris. TJ knew this as well, and he did everything in his manipulative powers to try and keep me away. I just hated that it worked.