Today Is Tomorrow's Yesterday

7

RORY:

It had been months and yet it felt like years. Our baby had been my only grasp of time as she very pleasantly reminded me to get up with kicking, reminded me it was the morning by causing me to lurch my guts out (although that had stopped about a month ago), reminded me to eat with very strange cravings and reminded me when to sleep by making me so tired I felt like death until I slept. She hadn't been my only rock though, my mom had been there for me like no other and without any thanks. I had been such a bitch to everyone since me and Logan split and though they knew it was because of my heartbreak, I didn't blame them from keeping a cautious distance.Even Paris, the most heartless, unfeeling woman I knew had managed to be offended by my comments, i was actually kind of impressed with myself for that one. Nevertheless, I was pushing my friends and family when I needed them the most and my mom had been the only one to see through my heartbroken beast to the broken porcelain doll inside.

She glued me back together, for the most part, and all I had done was chew her head off about how it was none of her business or that I didn't need pity. But she could see how much i needed her help and for that I will always be eternally grateful. 

At the moment, I was about done. My five stages of grief had been long and arduous but I had gone through them, suffered the loss and while I was nowhere near ready to move on I didn't collapse into a weeping puddle at the mention of his name. My frame of mind now was being pissed because he had electively missed months of our baby's progress. Being at 6 months she had started to look like a person and Logan was missing it. He had caught the desperate kick of his daughter as he left us in the cold and that was it. I'd of course, been sending him all of the collectable process and, like when me and mom were estranged, had been writing thoughts and feeling on post-it notes so that when we were close enough, i could explain them to him. I still had some hope of a relationship but couldn't see it happening as clearly anymore and was starting to solidify plans for my life without him. It broke my heart the first time I had a check-up without him however now when I went I felt numb. 

For the most part, the baby had come through with no complications but the doctor was still concerned from the fall earlier so i'd had a few extra appointments than was standard and while I appreciated the concern it had started to get a bit tedious. Today, I was having my second appointment of the month and I actually kind of loathed the idea of another appointment but I knew full well that these were not for me and my daughter went first. 

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As I stepped into the office, I could feel a cold chill in the air. I knew the doctor perfectly well and he was perfectly nice but I could also tell he was getting a little sick of me.

"Miss Gilmore, here we are again!" He said in one of those fake-nice tones with a fake smile to match.

"Dr Barrett, always a pleasure." I replied, matching his tone.

He wasted no time and squeezed the cold jelly onto my stomach. He spread it around with the wand while saying, "If I see nothing wrong, then I can revert you back to a regular schedule for appointments which means we can cut them in half!". I gave a huge sigh of relief. As he explored, I could see the smile creeping on his face which I took as a good sign and waited for him to tell me the good news. "I just need to check your heart, as your blood pressure's been up, as is normal with a pregnancy, but in your case I'd just like to confirm that we have nothing to worry about."

I braced myself as he squeezed the jelly where my heart was and as he looked at it I saw his bright disposition turn cold and rigid, he seemed to double check he was right and then sighed. 

"Miss Gilmore, I'm afraid..." As he paused I prepared myself, "I'm afraid that, you are no longer a have a high risk pregnancy and you and your baby will stop seeing my withered old face so much!" His frown turned into a bright smile.

I was elated,"Dr Barrett thank you so much, you have no idea how much i needed to hear that thank you!" I hugged him as I left the office and drove back to my mom's house with a big grin plastered on my face.

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LOGAN:

"Mate, for fuck's sake man just text her, she's been sending you all of the pictures and stuff, she still clearly wants you to be involved." Finn said as he took his beer in hand.

"But does she? I mean she could just feel obligated to because i'm the father, I mean she's 6 months pregnant and ...."

"Mate," Finn interjected," T e x t  her."

I took out my phone to do so but couldn't when I reread the awful text I had sent her all those months ago that led to our estrangement. The last text I sent to her brought about the destruction of our relationship... How do you disregard that and  start a fresh conversation. I downed the last of my beer and replied, " I can't Finn look." I showed him the last sent message and he nodded understandingly.

"Ever since you broke things off with mother you've been a mess mate, I just don't want to let you kill yourself over this."

"I know Finn but how can I move on?"

"I wasn't saying move on, I was saying stop punishing yourself."

"I can't do that either." I paused in sad thoughts of my daughter growing up without me," I strained my daughter and I's entire relationship by ending the one with her mother, who knows how much i'll miss, how much i've already missed."

I stared at my empty glass gumly when I got a text from, no it couldn't be, Rory. It read.

Rory: I no longer have a high risk pregnancy. I already sent you some of her sonograms and things but am sending more. Did you get them?

I looked at it and sighed a sigh of relief and texted back,

Logan: Yes, thanks.

Trying to look past the cold nature of our exchange, I smiled as some contact is better than no contact at all. These past few months had shown me that I had completely overreacted and let my pride get to me. I needed Rory and my daughter by my side but the damage was already done, the ball was in her cort and she wasn't letting it go and why would she? I broke her heart into a million pieces . I wouldn't forgive me either.

But, I had to at least try, I got up and left the bar.

"Mate, where are going?" I heard a distant, confused call from Finn say.

I smiled as I opened the door to my car. I was going to get her back if it was the last thing I would do.