Today Is Tomorrow's Yesterday

6

It was around 6 p.m when a mercedes pulled up outside my house, knowing this was Logan I rolled my eyes and went into my bedroom. Still being mad at him, i didn't want to let him know that i'd been waiting for him so I pretended that I was just finishing an important chapter in my book.

"Took you long enough." I said coldly as he walked in my room. I shut my laptop and stared at him with disgust.

"Have some more beers you needed to drink? Some wild oats you needed to sow?"

"I'm sorry, Colin and Finn wouldn't give my phone back until I joined in." He said clearly remorseful but also slightly annoyed. With me or them I couldn't tell.

"Oh yes how are my favourite people? Did they make sure you weren't drunk when they pushed you off a cliff this time or did they just make sure you had and extra-safe parachute? I'm guessing it was Finn who dragged you out to go day drinking.'

" Ok that, that is not fair Rory."

"What's not fair? The fact that you threw the fact that i worried about you so much i nearly died in my face, the fact that you think i'm turning you into my servant or the fact that you blame me for ruining your life?"

"I, I've been under so much pressure from my father. You don't understand how much he's trying to push me out of the company and to be honest if Colin and Finn hadn't taken me out, I probably would have taken myself out."

"SO I'M JUST SUPPOSED TO BE OKAY WITH THE FACT THAT YOU'RE KILLING YOURSELF BECAUSE OF ME, BECAUSE OF MY CONDITION?"

"YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IT IS TO HAVE TO LIVE UP TO MY NEWLY HEIGHTENED EXPECTATIONS, LOOK AFTER YOU AND HAVE TIME TO PROCESS AND REMAIN SANE."

"SO NOW I'M JUST A LIABILITY. YOUR UNBORN DAUGHTER AND I ARE JUST AN INCONVENIENCE THAT YOU HAVE TO PUT UP WITH."

"YOU LOOK AT ME AND YOUR FACE RADIATES DISAPPOINTMENT OR PITY. YOU LOOK AT ME LIKE I'M LESSER THAN I WAS. I AM SICK AND TIRED OF HAVING TO KEEP UP APPEARANCES FOR YOU WHEN MY LIFE IS FALLING APART. I'M ABOUT TO LOSE MY JOB FOR CHRIST SAKE AND YOU ONLY CARE ABOUT THE BABY. CAN YOU HONESTLY SAY WE WOULD BE BACK TOGETHER IF I HADN'T KNOCKED YOU UP?"

"Logan..."

"This isn't fair to me Ace. You used the baby as a solution even though it's caused so many problems. I'm losing my family because of her, i'm losing my job because of her and while i thought I gained you because of her, she's just making me lose you all over again."

I started to cry to uncontrollably it was hard for Logan to continue but he did. I wish so much that he had never said the next few words, I wish so much that I interrupted him but I couldn't.

"I can't do this anymore. I thought if I got my job secure here and reignited our flame then it would all be ok but i'm starting to resent you Rory and that is something I could never do before. Even when you turned down my proposal: I was angry at you yes but I never resented you. I'm afraid that if I don't have some time to myself I'll resent both you and her." He motioned to my stomach. " I never want that ever so I think I'm gonna stay away for a while and this, you and me... I can't believe i'm actually saying this because I love you but I can't be in this relationship right now. It's too hard."

Both he and I were crying now. The events that had just transpired were probably some of the most heartbreaking in my entire life. I knew that I had lost him, maybe not for good, but any life without him for even a little while seemed like a disgusting abyss that. would last forever. 

Logan went on his knees, kissed my baby bump and rested his head there while whispering something to her. Just then I felt the baby kick for the first time and so did he. He started crying even more.

"Don't go. If you're going to take anything as a sign take that as one. She wants you to stay, I want you to stay.

"I can't." He said as he put his coat on.

-----------------------

LOGAN:

I knew this decision was the hardest one I had ever made but I knew that it was a good one. Walking away from the love of my life was always going to be hard but I didn't realise how much. Yes, the drunken text was a mistake but it enlightened me to what I had been feeling these past few weeks. I knew that none of this was Rory's fault but the way everything turned out made me so spiteful towards her.

She collapsed and nearly lost our baby because of me, she's miserable because of me, she can't keep up with her work because of me and everything else going wrong in her life seemed to be because of me. She wasn't doing it consciously but I could tell from her mannerisms and distance that she did blame me. Nothing and no one could make me feel so loved and valued as she could but in instances like this nothing and no one could also make me feel so undeserving, so cowardly and so worthless. I wanted to be there for our daughter but I couldn't be around her anymore.

What i'd gotten up to with Colin and Finn also made me realise what fun used to feel like and the lack thereof when it came to me and Rory's re-established relationship. There'd been no fireworks, no conversations that could go on and on and on like they used to and there's been absolutely no room for any sort of error. There was always something wrong, something missing. So, the best course of action I could come up with was distance. Maybe i'd realise some things i could've of done and can do differently and maybe she'd do the same or maybe we'd both realise how much happier we are apart. I would always be there for my daughter but if it took a few weeks or even a few months for me and her mother to figure out our relationship stance then I thought it would be worth it in the long run. While Rory may find it hard to come to terms with at first I think she knew that too.

When i couldn't sleep after I had gotten in, I decided to write a letter.

My dearest baby girl,

Please know that I love you even more than I have ever loved anyone and that you are my greatest achievement in life. I don't know me and your mother's relationship will be by the time you read this, if you ever do, but I wanted you to know how sorry I am and why that is.

Upon finding out that your mother was pregnant with you, I was overjoyed. I broke up with my fiance that my family had engaged me to and immediately moved from London to Hartford. Pretty quickly, your mother and I got back together however things weren't all unicorns and rainbows; your grandfather, Mitchum, was angry at me for the events that I just explained so he put me under lots of pressure. This caused your mom to worry so much that one day she collapsed and nearly you and her died. You were both okay but I felt so guilty and my dad was putting even more pressure on me.

Knowing this, one day uncle Finn came into my office and took me out to blow off some steam. This isn't my proudest moment but while I was at a bar I sent your mom a really mean text. It caused me to realise that we needed space and so after a really big fight, I broke up with her. I don't know how much time I need and how much this will affect my relationship with you but for every second that i've spent away from you i'm sorry. 

Love dad x