All's Fair in Love and War

Chapter 9 Scars

Evie pouted up at the sky in annoyance.

It was a beautiful day with hardly a cloud in the bright blue sky, but Evie hardly even noticed as she struggled with her pent-up emotions.

She was frustrated with herself for being so afraid; but she was afraid because she had still hurt someone and it caused her to unconsciously back away warily; she was also traumatized by Erik's memories and her resurfaced old memories; and she was still struggling with her nightmares. Old, and new.

Her old ones were as unchanged as her real memories could never be altered; though that didn't mean they hurt any less. But the newer nightmares – which had started from Darwin's death and only gotten exponentially worse after the accident with Erik's memories – made it difficult for her to sleep let alone concentrate.

Charles knew of them, and advised she speak about them to ease her mind, but Evie didn't know who to tell. Sean, Raven and Hank hadn't seen Darwin's death, and she didn't want to burden them with details they could live without imagining. But bringing up Darwin would only hurt Alex, and Lisa didn't need to be supporting Evie on top of what she was doing to help Alex.

As for Erik's memories... not even Raven needed to know about Erik's dark history with Shaw. And Evie really didn't think she should talk about it to others; after all, it was Erik's business.

She supposed she could talk to Charles, but it didn't really feel all that relieving to try and dump her feelings onto a man who already knew exactly what was going on in her head.

So, Evie was in her current dilemma as she stared – or rather scowled – up at the sky.

"What did that bird ever do to you?"

Evie was startled from her morose thoughts, and she glanced back to see Erik watching her with a raised brow.

"I'll admit ravens aren't my favourite type of bird either." Erik continued as he looked pointedly at the lone black bird circling high up in the sky. "But I don't see why it should warrant the death sentence you look like you're about to give it. Unless, you're using that bird as a symbol for a very specific 'Raven."

Evie rolled her eyes at his bad joke, and she answered, "The bird hasn't done anything to me, Erik; I didn't even realize it was there until you pointed it out."

"Well, that's a relief." Erik observed as he settled down beside her on the lawn. "At least I know I won't have to be warily eyeing the pies for any unexpected bird meat."

Evie snorted at that, and Erik watched her for another moment as she stared up at the sky.

"You are upset you cannot control your powers." He observed, and Evie sighed but nodded.

"It's... not just that I can't control them." Evie began, and Erik finished, "You are afraid of them."

Evie nodded, bowing her head.

She brought her knees up under her chin as she explained, "I want to do better; I honestly do. But even when I try, I get flashes or remember things I don't want to and then... I falter, and it's too late."

Erik nodded. He'd naturally noticed the problems, considering he was the one Evie practiced her visions on. He also stuck around to watch as Charles tried to get Evie to warp actual reality after she was done with her vision practice, and the difference in her progress in the two sessions of her training was so vast, even an idiot would see it. And Erik was no idiot.

While she had quickly regained to where she had been in projecting visions and continued to improve in that area if slowly, every time they attempted to have her change something in the physical reality, she panicked. And Erik knew Evie spoke the truth when she said it wasn't that she didn't want to learn any more – it was just she couldn't stop the part of her that continued to doubt and fear her own powers.