LIVING WITH HIM

Chapter 04

"Man, where are you? I need a ride." tanong ni Marco sa kausap nya sa cellphone.

Nasa parking lot na kami ngayon. At dahil hindi namin alam kung paano kami makakauwi na dala yung pinamili namin, he call a friend.

Nakatingin lang ako kay Marco habang nakatayo ako sa gilid ng motor nya at hawak ang pushcart na may lamang pinagbilhan namin. He's standing few distance from me while holding his phone on his right ear.

I can see Marco's glance on me from time to time. Siguro dahil seryoso ang mukha ko na sadya kong pinapakita sa kanya. I haven't forget what he did earlier. He doesn't let me pay.

Pumayag lang ako kanina dahil nakakahiya kay ateng cashier at dun sa nakapila sa likod. Pero hindi talaga ako papayag kung kami lang.

Yes, I don't have much money but I don't want to rely on someone else' money. I don't want to depend from someone. Kahit pa kanino. Kahit kay Marco.

I've been living independently for a long time and I don't want to change it.

"Are you already bored? Don't worry, my friend is on the way. Maybe, in 5 minutes, he's already here." Saad niya nang makalapit sakin habang nilalagay ang cellphone niya sa bulsa ng pantalon nito.

"Okay." Maiksing sagot ko.

"Galit ka ba? I'm sorry, I forgot na motor lang ang dala ko."

I raise my head to meet his eyes.

"Marco babayaran kita sa mga binili ko pati na rin sa kinain ko kaninang umaga at yung kagabi." Mahina pero pinal kong sabi.

"Alam kong mapera ka. You don't need my money. Pero ayokong magkaroon ng utang na loob sayo." Patuloy ko.

Kumunot ang noo ni Marco at nakipagtitigan din sakin na parang binabasa ang nasa isip ko.

"You don't really need to. Our dinner last night was my welcome gift for you. The breakfast and the food we bought will be my payment for your cooking skills. You don't have to pay me." Mahinahon nyang sabi.

"Magbabayad ako and you won't change my mind."

"I won't change my mind either." He said with finality.

"Ayoko nga!" I shouted. Naramdaman ko ang pamamasa ng dalawang mata ko. Surprised was plastered on Marco's face because of me being emotional all of the sudden.

"Ayokong maging pabigat sayo Marco!" My voice cracked. "I don't want to be taken for granted again because I'm useless, pabigat at isang palamunin! Ayokong may magparamdam na naman sakin ng ganun, Marco." sunod sunod na nagtuluan ang mga luha ko.

I closed my eyes and cover my cheeks using my hand so I won't see Marco's reaction to my sudden burst. Maybe he's now thinking that I'm pathetic and ultrasensitive.

"Ssshh" but not like what I expected, niyakap niya ako nang mahigpit. Sobrang higpit.

Napasubsob ang mukha ko sa dibdib niya. And I felt his hand on my back, slowly rubbing on it, comforting me.

"Hindi ko man alam kung ano ang talagang nangyari sayo but I won't do that to you, Leylah. I won't. You are not worthless and I will never make you feel like one. So please stop crying already. I don't want to see you like this. Please, Leylah." I felt him tightening our hug.

Pero imbis na mahinto ako sa pag-iyak, mas lalong lumakas ang pag-iyak ko, naging hagulhol. It's not because I'm still hurting but because I've found someone that I can share with, the pain that I'd been suppressing, the sadness I'd been hiding and all emotion that I want to release. And that is Marco. Sa lalaking kakakilala ko lang kahapon.