BLACK AND WHITE | BUCKY BARNES x OC

part three

Bucky POV:

It's been a hard night. I wake up around 3am unable to sleep. The ticking of the clock above my hotel fridge makes me want to throw it across the room. I can't sleep. Her dark brown eyes with golden ember hints blur my vision. Her hair that was curled to perfect past her shoulders in tones of blonde and brunette settle into my mind. That's all I can think about.

This isn't right. Steve is my best friend and one of my only friends. He's been with me through everything. Even when everyone gave up on me he was there. I need to get her out of my head.

I finally open my eyes and stare at the fading white popcorn ceiling above me. There's tears in it and water marks all over that seep into an ugly yellow. The attention to detail that color gives things is beyond comprehensible. I've been alive for over a hundred years and went just fine with seeing in black and white. She ruined it all.

I tear my eyes away from what's in front of me and turn over on my left side and sigh. The clock says 3:15am. I got to this room around 1:30am after finishing my conversation with her. I can't say her name. It'll make everything even more true and I can't handle that.

Steve let me crash on his couch while he got a hotel room for them for the night but I declined. It was too far from the reception venue and a small hotel room was fine for me and I'm especially glad since I ran out of the venue as soon as I almost leaned in to kiss her. I cursed myself the whole walk back to the hotel. I look up again at the ceiling. Motel, more like it. I sigh again and close my eyes, willing myself to sleep.

I think about all the times Steve brought her up in emails and letters. He's so in love it's sick. I'm happy for him, I really am. I've never really had any desire to meet someone yet alone love someone. It's not worth it. I'm a super soldier and I don't know how many more years I have left on this planet. Could be fifty more years or more depending on whether or not I go under cryostasis again in Wakanda. Why waste my time falling in love like Steve had in the past to just outlive them?

Her cute smile with those luscious pink lips blur my vision again.

"Aargh!" I moaned in protest and hit my pillow. She's consuming my every thought! This isn't supposed to happen to me. I'm supposed to have no happy ending. Just living until I die. But why is it that when I finally turned around in that reception room that my world went from complete darkness to blinding lights. I hate her. Yes, maybe if I channel all my hatred towards her I can move on and forget this ever happened.

But it won't stop me from seeing color. And it won't stop reminding me that I only see color because of her. Shit. I need to get out of here.

I groan as I pick myself off the creaking bed with one arm and lean over to the ground to pick up my other arm, the metal one. It's not comfortable to sleep in so I always take it off. After being in Wakanda for a while they were able to update it so I can easily take it off with a touch of a finger like an iphone with a passcode. Their technology will always keep me amazed.

I click my metal arm into place and wince as it slowly powers on and gets adjusted into my shoulder. Hurts like hell but seeing color hurts even more.

-

I find myself pacing the streets of New York. Of course Steve would have his wedding here, I'm surprised he didn't go as far as having it where he grew up in Brooklyn. It's been so many years, that place is probably a junkyard or updated condos. I'm walking down a random neighborhood I haven't been down before and check the time again. 5:30am. I've been walking for a while trying to clear my thoughts. Of her.

I check my phone again and notice a few missed texts. I don't usually text anyone with this phone. I mainly keep it in case any of the Avengers need me to join them on a mission or if Fury decides to call me.