Merlyn's Final Truth

A Servant of Two Masters P2

Merlyn had really had enough of council meetings. She couldn't do it, couldn't stay locked up in the palace for a moment longer, not with Arthur missing. The lords seemed quite capable of organising themselves for a day, especially with Gwen alongside them. She needed to look for him. She had to know if she'd truly failed her king.

"I'm as worried about Arthur as you are." Gwen said from behind her as she descended the steps of the palace, glad to see her horse already saddled. There were some perks to her newfound rank, at least.

"You're not going to change my mind." The regent replied shortly, clutching the cloak wrapped tightly around her. It was Arthur's, recovered from the forest by one of the patrols. She inhaled deeply, steadying herself. It still smelt of him.

"Who knows if the mercenaries have even left the forest." Gwen tried, but not even she sounded convinced by her own words. Arthur was the rightful king; if anyone could find him, it would be Merlyn.

"I have to go." She insisted, glancing back to see the desperation upon her friend's face. She knew why Gwen was trying to stop her from leaving, but it wasn't enough. Arthur was worth all the danger she was putting herself in.

"The patrols found no sign of him." Gwen tried a gentler tact, but as Merlyn neared her horse, running a hand through its mane, they both knew that her mind was made up.

"Do you really expect me to accept that-" her words got caught in her throat. She swallowed, blinking away tears. "-Expect me to just sit here and take their word that Arthur is gone? I won't rest until I at least try."

"I know." Gwen stepped forward, her gaze ripping through all the walls Merlyn had carefully constructed, everything that stopped her from breaking apart. "I know, Merlyn. But you are all that stands between Agravaine and the throne. We can't lose you. Just.. Just do one thing for me. Please don't go alone."

"She won't be going alone." Gwaine's voice rang out through the sunny courtyard, the sound of horses hooves clattering towards them.

Merlyn beamed at him, turning to Gwen with a playful roll of her eyes. "See? Now you've condemned me to a day of mindless chatter."

"Good." Gwen managed a small smile. She was still worried, Merlyn could tell, but the sight of Gwaine seemed to put her mind at relative ease.

"We'll return." Merlyn promised, wrapping her arms around her friend. "We'll bring him home."

~

Merlyn had missed Gwaine. It wasn't that she didn't see him, but there was something different in the way that they interacted in Camelot, their friendship limited to evenings in the tavern and laughter on the training field. Yes, there had always been this superficial element to her relationship with Gwaine, but there was something deeper, darker, perhaps, between them. They had both known loss, anger and resentment. They knew what it was like to live in a world where they were powerless, where there was no choice, no way to save everyone they loved. Arthur had never quite understood that part of her, but she didn't need to explain to Gwaine when she was hurting, when old scars had started to burn. It was a similar kinship to what she'd had with Lancelot, she supposed. But Gwaine wouldn't end up like him. She wasn't sure what she would do with herself if she lost someone else she loved.

"So, Gwaine... You and Percival?" Merlyn realised she needed to distract herself from old wounds, grinning at the knight's reddening face.

Gwaine smiled easily, but there was something panicked behind his eyes. "Eh? What about me and Percy?"

"I never took you as the kind of person to play coy with your love life." Merlyn wasn't surprised to find herself highly amused. "We all have bets on it, you know."