Regrets ; a.i

Regret 11: Friendship Issues

It's only been one week now. But I'm back and this time I'm not positive on the reason why my mother rushed me back here. I haven't gotten worse and I guess I haven't really gotten 'better', but I am still breathing and living and I don't want to end my life. I just always feel numb and sometimes I feel sadness overwhelm me, but I've been getting used to that.

She sighs and gets my attention. I smile at her and she smiles back.

"You know, I think that's one of the first times you've smiled first and actually smiled. Did something exciting happen?" She asks, with an amused smile on her face.

I shake my head, and want to laugh because she assumes that the reason I smiled is because something happened. I'm not even sure what possessed me to smile, but maybe if I keep doing it she'll think I'm better and I'll have to stop coming. Then again, this whole Ethan thing has been making me feel different. I guess that's something exciting that happened, and it makes me joyful and nervous at the same time. But, I don't really want to discuss that with her.

"No, I guess I'm simply feeling good today." Despite the fact that earlier I totally had absolutely no motivation to move out of bed because I felt so pointless and like there was nothing the world needed of me today.

She smiles, "that's good. So, what would you like to talk about today?" She crosses her legs and watches me, and she seems in a lighter mood as well.

I shrug, "I don't know."

She nods slowly, "do you have any more regrets?"

I push my eyebrows closer together and think about it. "Yeah, kind of. I mean I think if we go in order the next thing I regret would have to be fighting again with Reagan. We got into a fight about a bunch of stuff, some that even happened years before that day."

She hums, "do you want to talk about that?"

"Sure..."

~ Flash Back ~
// August 4th, 2015 //

I sat on my bed and listened to Reagan go on and on about how she ran into a group of girls from our school - two years younger than us to be exact - at the mall and how they all tried to cling to her.

I tried to ignore the fact that she went to the mall without me, and that even if I was friends with the person she went with, Reagan didn't want me to go. I knew for a fact she didn't want me to go because the girl Reagan went with texted me and asked me about it, but of course, I'm just going to let it slide.

I was also going to ignore that she actually turned me down to go to the mall. I had asked her if she wanted to go out for sushi and she said she had other plans and that was basically the conversation. It's okay though, I guess, I ended up going to Michael's and Ashton's and hanging out with the two of them.

My phone vibrated, catching my attention immediately. I quickly picked it up and prayed to god it was someone interesting or something interesting to pry myself away from Reagan's rant.

From Ashton: Hey Babe

I rolled my eyes.

To Ashton: Don't call me babe

I could imagine him reading it and smirking whilst he rolled his perfect hazel eyes and his dimples poked out.

From Ashton: I thought you liked it when I called you babe ;)

To Ashton: No I do not

I did like it to some degree and he knew that. He knew I didn't like the pet name - or any pet name - but I liked him calling me them. It was strange and I could admit that, though he just had that certain effect on me.