Regrets ; a.i

Embarrassed

Do you ever see someone you used to know in a public place and you immediately turn around and run the other direction and cross your fingers that they didn't see you. Well, that is me right now. I went for a casual trip to the the local Walmart and as I passed one of the isles I heard a familiar laugh and then the voice that followed caused goosebumps to form across my skin. So of course, I walked towards the sound and once I glanced down the isle I saw him. He was talking to two girls - both really hot -, but before he could see me I walked as fast as I could to the other side of the store. I didn't see his face but I knew for a fact that it was him, I just knew.

My breathes are fast and I feel weak, and I know I shouldn't be feeling this way because I only laid my eyes on him for a few seconds. But I guess that's enough for me. I just admitted to myself the other day that I was still in love with him and as much as I want to walk up to him and tell him and get mad at him for hurting me, I couldn't. I could never bring myself to face him because I know I'd end up breaking down and I don't want to do that, especially not in front of him.

I looked around as I felt a strange twist in my chest and I looked away and I needed to get out of the store. But instead I found a part of the wall and I leaned against it, calming myself down and mentally cursing for being so weak.

I wish I didn't have to hide from him or even feel the need to hide, I wish I was perfectly fine with him seeing me. That I could flash him a smile saying I was okay and then I could walk away as if I was over him. But I couldn't.

I lean there and all the images and memories of us come flooding back to me. I shut my eyes tight and try my best to keep it all together, why did he have to do what he did? Why can't I get over him?

I remember this one memory I have of us, probably one of the most embarrassing memories for me when we were whatever we were. I had spent the night with him and well I guess his family liked to do surprise check ups on him, and I just so happened to get involved in this one...

~ Flash Back ~
// August 22nd, 2015 //

I woke up with an arm around my waist, a hot breath on my neck and feeling Ashton's body tangled and pressed right against mine.

I slowly opened my eyes and released a large yawn before I laid there for a few moments, enjoying this feeling. I didn't normally just fall sleep with Ashton and then wake up with him holding me so close. I was used to us having sex and them falling asleep together, but, last night we got to his place and we literally just crawled into his bed (after he gave me a shirt to wear) and we laid in the dark and talked for a while before we drifted off to sleep. We didn't do anything but talk and be together, just the two of us so close and yet nothing happened.

I started to climb out of his bed but he quickly moved and his hand grabbed mine. "Jen, where you going?" He mumbled, his eyes still shut and his face mostly into his pillow.

"I'm going to use the gross washroom," I whispered and watched as a smile spread across his face and he squeezed my hand before he let go.

"Come back to bed after," he grumbled before shifting his weight around on the bed.

"I won't," I giggled before I walked out of his room quietly and then made my way to the washroom. It was a little bit better than when I first saw it, but it still gave me chills because the sink was broken and the shower didn't look too trustworthy even if they all said it worked more than perfectly fine. I used the washroom anyways before I dragged my feet right back to Ashton's room.

Just as I started to climb up the sheets of the bed there was a knock on his door. I frowned before I looked to Ashton who seemed to have fallen back asleep.