Regrets ; a.i

Reagan

March 18th, 2016

I couldn't stop thinking about it. Reagan called me and she texted me, she tried to get a hold of me and I had no idea why. She tried so hard to get a hold of me and I don't know whether or not I want to respond. Part of me was screaming at myself to do it, because I wanted my best friend back and I wanted to know everything. But the other half was yelled at me to not respond. If I responded then that meant I needed her back and I forgave her. But I haven't forgiven her yet and I don't know if I ever will.

I sat in my drive way and picked up my phone once again. I looked at her messages and sighed, debating if I should or not.

From Reagan: Jen I know you don't want to hear from me probably ever but can we please talk????
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From Reagan: I'm so so so sorry, but I really need to talk to you
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From Reagan: Please say something I really need you right now
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From Reagan: Jen I'm so sorry, but please text me or call me I need you, I just need my best friend

Back when we were friends, if I ever got these texts from Reagan I'd be out of the house in a minute and on my way over to hers. I was always there for her, but she wasn't always there for me - though most of the time she was.

I climbed out of my car, the cold night breeze hit my face and sent chills crawling down my spin.

I shut the car door, locked it and made my way to the door when I found a surprise sitting there for me.

Why do people think it's okay to just show up at my doorstep after not talking to me for months?

I took a step back and her head quickly shot up and she got to her feet.

"Jen," she sounded happy to see me.

I said nothing and watched her, I didn't have anything nice to say to her, not right now.

"I know I'm probably the last person you want to see right now, or ever for that fact, but, I really do need you. I tried to text and call you," she rambled.

"I got them," I said blankly.

She nodded her head. "Okay, I understand you don't want to talk to me. I know what I did was awful and I regret it so much, I wish I could go back and change it, I really do. I don't know why I did it, and you don't even know how sorry I am," she was on the verge of crying and I could tell.

"If you were really sorry, why is this the first time you're apologizing?" What she did happened months ago, and she's just apologizing right now.

She sniffled and looked up for a bit then back at me. "Because I was too scared to approach you before. Because I was mad at you for the stupidest reason, but I really am sorry."

I shrugged. "Are you sorry for doing it or for getting caught?" I asked, even though I know she did it to be caught.

"I'm sorry for doing it," her voice cracked and she said it louder than I expected.

I looked away, I didn't really want to look at her right now. "What do you want?" I mumbled under my breath as I hugged myself to stay warmer under the cold air.

"I-I, I want you to forgive me," her tone was weak and I knew she meant it and I wanted to, but at the same time I really didn't and I never could.

I slowly looked up to her teary eyes and saw her shaking from being cold. I took a deep breath and combed my fingers through my hair and walked up to her and pass her to the door.

"Can we have this argument inside, its cold out here," I complained and opened the door for her to come inside. I'm pretty sure my brother was at a friend's house and my mother went out.