𝐃𝐎 𝐌𝐄 𝐀 𝐅𝐀𝐕𝐎𝐔𝐑 ➵ 𝐅𝐄𝐋𝐈𝐗 𝐖𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐎𝐍

xii. please

DO ME A FAVOUR!

I SHOULD get an award or something for how long i went without a shower because damn, it was a while. i finally left my room too, thus eating food other than granola bars and drinking water. i thought to myself that i would go back to school on monday, today being thursday.

almost on cue to interrupt me, i heard the door knock. it could be the mail running or just some religious people trying to convert me, so i just ignored the knocking. it began to get louder and more aggressive, which frightened me, yet i still walked to the door and swung it open. the one and only felix weston was standing on the other side.

i couldn't make out a single word before starting to tear up, is he here to make the pain even worse?

"can i come in?" he asked, repressing what seemed to be a smile. does he enjoy my pain or something? i nodded as he slid past me, his arm brushing up against mine. a chill was sent down my spine as i began to close the door. why was he even here, i'm so lost.

felix plopped down on my living room couch as i walked over to armchair that sat next to the couch. as i sat, he began to speak again.

"i know that you're like this all because of me and i feel like shit because i don't like hurting you bambi. and before you say it, i don't deserve an 'i'm sorry' from you since you did nothing wrong." felix said, his eyes beginning to well into tears.

i didn't know what to do, i managed to wipe his eye to rid of his tears, a faint chuckle escaping his lips.

"i shouldn't of laid all that information on you, i knew i'd be too much to handle." i admitted quietly, him making eye contact with me. he looked like a lost puppy, so scared and fragile. i couldn't even tell what was going through his head.

"how is she?" i asked somberly, not really wanting to know. i just keep making myself even more miserable by the second, asking him questions that i don't want the answers to but needing them.

"she's... okay, i think. i've only seen lake once or twice in between our... make-out sessions.." he said, slowly regretting the words that slipped out.

"oh.." i said, rising from the armchair, walking into my kitchen.

"it was a mistake, bambi.." he said.

my eyes began to tear up once more, a few making the surface. felix had followed me in, as i felt his presence very close to me. "i didn't mean to hurt you this way.." he mumbled.

"then why'd you tell me?" i snapped, yelling at him almost. i had a right to be pissed off, right?

"i didn't want to lie to you!" he said, raising his voice too.

"i wish you had lied for that one. i don't want to know about how perfect she is or how much she makes your heart melt. i still like you, those feelings can't just fade away with the snap of your fingers or something," i said. "and if it's such a mistake, why'd you do it in the first place?" i asked, waiting for a heart wrenching response.

"i was lonely, okay? i was scared and in shock from you liking me and i didn't know who to turn to.." he retaliated. he inched towards me, now standing very close to me. "you stormed away before i could even say how i felt.." he was speechless, unable to say anything else. i watched as more tears fell from his eyes. mine were flowing down my cheeks, my eyes slightly stung. i looked away from him as he came closer once more.

"how did you feel?" i asked, now looking directly at him, seeing him a mere few inches from me. i felt my stomach churning on the inside, my nervousness in full swing. no response came from him, only a squeeze from his hand holding mine and his face inching towards me until there was no space left.

this isn't the way i wanted it to happen, i didn't want to kiss him when i was angry at him still. i didn't want to feel sad kissing felix, i wanted to feel the butterflies in my stomach, the happy kind. i didn't feel happy, i felt upset.

i pulled away first, my forehead up against his.

"please go.." i said, almost choking on my words.

"bambi.." i felt him try and choke back a sob, it escaping not so subtly.

i let myself out of his embrace, beginning to cry into my hands. "please, this hurts too much." i cried out, my vision very blurry.

the last thing he said before leaving was, "i'm going to make it up to you, i swear."

i hoped it was true.